Young and Cancerous!

FUN-raisers!!!!

2009-03-09T18:17:00.001-04:00

Hey everyone!

I am just reaching out to any young and cancerous long islanders who wouldn't mind having a beer or two.. or three for a cause?!
This also applies to any family, friends, or just anyone looking to make a difference and help Imtooyoungforthis.org aka StupidCancer.com by coming out for one of the first major fundraisers by the i[2]y Long Island Chapter!!

I am so excited!!
I have raffle tickets if anyone is interested. You do not have to be present for the event to win the prize! Just contact me at: YoungandCancerous@yahoo.com, or MegDoolittle@yahoo.com to purchase tickets!! 1 for $5.00 and 5 for $20.00

..DON'T MAKE ME PLAY THE CARD...

-Megan-

It's been awhile.. hello again.

2009-03-03T21:06:00.003-05:00

Wow. I haven't written anything in quite some time. Like I wrote in the last post - everything is done and life is really starting to become normal again.

Throughout January I was working part time at ULTA. I've worked there before as a Merchandise Manager and was brought back promised a manager postition after the holidays. Of course with this ailing economy I shouldn't have expected that offer to last. Early February I was told they were cutting manager positions and that position was no longer availiable. No biggie.. just more crap added on my 'to-do' list for early 2009.

So after flying through January and February, Rob (my boyfriend) and I had made the decision to move back in with our parents in an effort to increase our savings and decrease our stress levels. Now being his parents live in Bethpage, NY and my mom lives in Bellport, NY - We decided with the permission of my mom, to move in together with her.

So now, I am unemployed.. again.. and living back at home with mom. Yey.

On a more personal note:
On moving day, Feb 21st 2009, Rob asked me to marry him while shuffling boxes around in our pjs. It was definitely 'our style'. Something simple and complicated all at the same time.

So for the month of MARCH
Starting to work at my moms rehab center, per diem.
Back at home with Rob and my mom.
AND IM ENGAGED!!!!

Early 2009 has definitely been interesting.

I cannot wait until the year really starts to pick up speed.

-Love-
Megan

JANUARY 2nd 2009!!!!!

2009-01-12T22:17:00.004-05:00

Ah, January 2nd 2009!

The beginning of a new year.

The new year has always been like an erase board on my heart. A forgiving and second-chance-giving ability to start a-new. I've always felt refreshed. This year has proved to me unlike any other.. that this is true. I start with January 2nd this year, because in the early hours of that morning I finished 'my cancer year'. My portacath was removed from my chest. =)

I even type that now and smile.

It's all over.

Ah, relief. It burned deeper and more than the relief that came from the ct scan two weeks prior. The manifestation of all of my faith and prayers- and my family and friend's faith and prayers. Oh, my strong and loyal spirit- never let me down. -Thank you.

I do not know when cancer left my body. I just know that the same spirit that faught the beast is with me now- and knows that it will never be able to return. Don't get me wrong, I have my fears. My nightmares of hearing those decided diagnosis' of numerous doctors and radiologists. Those tests, and smells of plastics and iodine. That feeling directly after purposely poisoning my beautiful bod with hundreds of seconds of burning liquid that raped a year from my youth. Stole my hair and borrowed my self esteem- for that short time. I then, with only knowing the date of this last procedure- can only measure my remission from this date.

January 2, 2009 - The end of my cancer year.

(smiles)

-Megan-

Gifts for Cancer Friend....

2009-01-07T12:25:00.006-05:00

Well Im going to go by things people gave me- and things I wish I had during chemo!

Numero UNO.

Netflix/Blockbuster online membership!

This is a gift from a really great friend or parent. This is by far, the best gift you will get because you will use it the most! While home stuck on the couch- You are left with whatever is on tv, or whatever dvds you have! Where is the fun in that? Being Young and Cancerous.. leaves you unable to take that little drive up to your local blockbuster unless its a good day? And I know me personally... If I can drive- and its a good day.. I stayed out of the house!

So get this for a whopping 8-10$ a month for a buddy, will ya?! They can pick the movies they want online and get them in the mail. With blockbuster online you do get free rentals for in the store as well.

2. Bath and Body Works - Cancer Vixen line

It's going mainstream! Funny cancer gifting.. gone corporate? HOLLER!

I got this body wash from my best friend, Jackie! It smells awesome, it's funny and its simple!

Of course like everything gone pink during October- This line was only for Breast Cancer Awareness Month- So its actually 50% OFF RIGHT NOW!!

3. Funny Cancer Gear!

Click Here:

Or You can stop by my store ----->

Link is just to your right!

Cancer gear makes for funny conversation when wearing- So it's easier for us to talk about our STUPID CANCER, and being YOUNG AND CANCEROUS! =)

4. Get them started on a series they've never watched!

My friends started me on LOST! on ABC. I was able to even watch the seasons from my computer off of abc.com - But It makes such a great gift- Bc it helps us use our time!

5. Crafts.

This is an easy one! Sometimes I didn't have energy- So I had to be creative and find things that didn't take alot of energy- Forget glue, sparkles, pasting, scrapbooking- try Painting! All you have to do is hold the brush- therefor Im nominating Painting as the craft for cancer!

6. FOOD!

This is for the week after their treatment! But everyones different! I could eat and was fine the same day of chemo! Other people do not eat for days or weeks at a time! But being that Im going off of my experience- FOOD IS THE BEST! I have to say- WATCH OUT- for chemo couch potaters!.. You will gain those L Bs if you don't watch it! =)

Best food for after chemo:

You have to think ; ailing immune system!! Give me something that has a strong flavor (Because the chemo makes you lose a bit fo your taste, and/or everything you eat will have a tad of metallic to it) and is HEALTHY! Keep feeding your system with vitamin and nutrient packed goodies! Antioxidents are the best cancer fighters! My friends would come over with Acai Juice and Salads from Whole Foods Market. Delissshh.

7. Books.

Not just any book.. Funny Cancer books! But only a couple.. we dooo want to keep our mind happy and healthy- and not focus on horrible stories of death and despair. Stay in the comedy section! You can also buy health and nutrition books. One of my favorites is 'Integrative Nutrtion' By Joshua Rosenthal **Young and Cancerous need to change LIFE HABITS in order to keep cancer away! When we start working on our eating habits while bald and in the cancer trenches- we have less of a chance of losing sight of WHY we want to be heatlhy!**

8. Mani/Pedi Gift Certificates!

IS A MUST!

Our nails become brittle and even yellowish if we do not keep nailpolish on them.

However- from experience.. Sit at the first desk by the door. The smell of nail polish remover and etc. That is circulating throughout that place can make your stomach a little weak. Put your head in your shirt and feel fab!

9. BUY ME A WIG!

Hell, on some of those days that you feel great- Go wig shopping! Change up your look, or your friends! The wig place is used to seeing women who are bald from chemo, or aleopecia- so Just go out with your girlfriends and go for a color that you wouldnt normally wear! THIS IS THE ONLY TIME IN YOUR LIFE WHERE YOU CAN GO CRAZY AND HAVE A FESABLE REASON! You can get the wig for just you & your friends- Or for a fun night with your significant other! =)

Another great thing my girlfriends wanted to do- But we never got the chance was a 'WIGGIN OUT PARTY' Where everyone would goout in a different color wig- So that the baldy wouldn't feel insecure about going out in public for a drink!

These are just some things I would buy! You can get creative and even make goody bags for different phases in their cancer treatment. A 'Shave your head day' kit- witha buzzer, cancer caps, wig shampoo, and funny bald gear from i[2]y or my store. You can create a chemo kit- with a barf bag, magazines, dvds etc. You can really make it a once in a lifetime experience... which is all it should be! Just try and make your cancer fighter smile! There's no better medicine! TRUST ME! Stay away from sad mushy gushy gifts =) and you'll be great!

Who's that girl in the 'Right Round' with FLO RIDA?

2008-12-30T16:34:00.005-05:00

THATS MY GIRL, KESHA AKA K$!!!!!!!!!!

I love to mention music every once in awhile. It is the best mood elevator! This ones a club joint and makes me shake my tusssshhhh!

Listen:

Right Round - FLO RIDA feat KESHA

& Touch Me - FLO RIDA feat KESHA

You can find more of her music here:

www.myspace.com/keshaishot

ROCK IT MAMA!

=) Megan

Shit. f#@% CRAP! You gotta love it.

2008-12-30T10:09:00.004-05:00

I haven't been able to really sit down and get a thought out lately. I have so much going on lately- I knew only you guys would understand.I never figured the year after cancer.. would be spent playing catch up. So anyways, back to the reasons why I haven't blogged - summed up nice for you.

1. My PC crashed

2. I got fired from my job for 'extending their health leave'

3. I have medical collection agencies after my tushy

4. Im broke and have to move back home *Thanks Cancer.

5. My car is on the fritz and did I mention I'm broke?

6. My frozen babies require another payment for 2009 that I can't afford

I could keep complaining but I hate to be negative

so Im going to list the things that are going good right now..

1. Im alive. Bye Bye CANCER!

2. I have a new job = new possibilities

3. Medicaid has to pay the collection agencies =) and not me.

**It's just all the paperwork and phonecalls to straighten it all out

4. I can move back home and save money to go on numerous vacations this year

5. Did I mention I don't have cancer this year? holler.

6. I can still have kids, so I don't really NEED the frozen tots

7. I have a great boyfriend, amazing friends and the best family a person could ask for.

**And they're all healthy!!!!!

8. I have a low tolerance for bullshit but a high tolerance for pain!

9. I am more self confident than last year

10. I am starting to write my book/manual for cancer patients!

**thats going to be HYSTERICAL.

11. I have hair.. beautiful virgin healthy hair

And I could go on with this list forever too. So I have made the decision to STOP COMPLAINING

"It's not having what you want

It's wanting what you've got"

-Sheryl Crow

=) Megan

Im Too Young For This blog posting =)

2008-12-14T10:41:00.002-05:00

My Blog Posting For i[2]y

Read it and enjoy!

ps. I haven't been able to bpost lately because my computer crashed.
Will be back up as soon as I figure out an alternative solution.

=)
Love,
Megan

Thanksgiving.. Alot to be thankful for...

2008-11-28T22:20:00.004-05:00

Well folks.. Its that time of year again! Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving usually goes down as the 'holiday season kick off' in my mind. I always know that as soon as I hit my turkey coma I am listening to holiday tunes the very next weekend. And as some of you know, if you have read my 'lets start off' blog posting.. I was just diagnosed during the holidays last year. I found out I was sick just a few short days before Thanksgiving last year. I will never forget that thanksgiving in 2007.

Last year was 'Thanksgiving on Cancer'. It was absolutely horrible. I had just found out about my diagnosis about 4 or 5 days before- and I had plans to go to my moms house with my two uncles for turkey dinner- but when my mom found out- she went into mommy mode and only wanted to grab the holiday OT and help me with my bills and whatever I was going to need. I was feeling too crazy to cook a turkey dinner for just myself and my uncles- and the rest of my family (6 uncles, 5 aunts and a million or so 1st and 2nd cousins)they were all doing different things. We used to all get together when my grams was alive- she was the superwoman superglue. But now that she's gone & I never see anyone anymore. So it was me and my Uncle Pat- and my boyfriend joined us after visiting his mothers house. We ended up at some diner for turkey. BLEH. I don't remember what diner- bc it was that horrible. It was the absolute worst thanksgiving I will ever have. And I will make it a point to have a huge family and be that superwoman superglue my grams was- Just because of that diner turkey! Never again.

This year.. Turkey day 2008. No cancer.. and still BLEH. But for a different reason.

I've been told that Thanksgiving eve is the 'biggest party night of the year'. Hmm. Well I didn't go out and celebrate last year, which was the first year I could have, turning 21 and all. So this year... I am making it a point that n o t h i n g will be the same from last year- So whoo hoo!

Party Time.

I've been a little broke these days- remission in a recession stinks. It has been a little hectic- So I was actually debating whether to stay in and cook apple pies- or to go out and have a drink. My friends convinced me (thank god!) to go out. I got all dressed up or 'hussified' as I'd like to call it and had a little budget in my pocket of what I could spend. Asta La Vista Budget money... 20$ cover fee just at the door.. uugggh. I didn't even want to go out- intially. So my friend Jackie- decided to be my boyfriend and cover -the cover. Then when I got in- my other friends had shots and drinks already ready and waiting. (I have the best friends, don't i?) Well.. needless to say- I got completely wacked out of my mind. I do not advise getting hammered pre, post, or during cancer treatments- bc the alcohol actually screws up your body's ph and makes your whole body very acidic which is the perfect enviroment for cancer cell production. Google it. =)

But Fuck it. I need a fucking drink. I do not remember parts of the night, thanks to my new friends Malibu, Lemon drops, Patron and Vodka. And thanks to those 'new friends' it took me the whole morning and most of the afternoon to be able to stomach even making the horderves. I did not eat a single thing on Thanksgiving day. Not a s i n g l e thing. =)

But it was completely worth it.

So 2 years down, 1 diner, 1 turkey I didn't eat- A cancer my body fought, and 2 holiday seasons that will inevitably always be remembered- I am chuckling to myself at these things that happen to us. Like my grams always used to say "It is easier to make mistakes than to fix them.. So have fun, wear a smile, and try not to get into too much trouble tonight hun."

=) Megan

Save My Ass. - For Men...

2008-11-25T23:34:00.005-05:00

Men and women are two very different species. Yes species. I want to stray from cancer blogging for a sec and just share with you a website I stumbled across. It is PURE GENIUS!

Save My Ass.

Save My Ass is a website- probably thought up by forgetful ex boyfriends that saw a market for other forgetful men. This website is a flower delivery service run off of a budget amount set and dates to remember. SO you would for example enter in you and your boyfriend/girlfriend's anniversary, birthday, valentines etc. Or a once a month delivery at random- and Flowers will be sent out and automatically billed to you- so if you forget the date.... This website would Save Your Ass.

I thought it was so ingenius I had to share.

If I wanna be a gem and tie in the cancer subject.. this could possibly go down as a great cancer gifting idea for the husband, wife, friend etc. And just send flowers at random every month for the period of time they're sick... or you can set the flowers to be delivered on the dates of your/their no-cancer anniversary.

Small advisory- for these forgetful men. If you break up with the chick.. man.. what have you- and you do not cancel this service.. You probably will find yourself in a very akward situation.. so try to remember to cancel if that is the case.

Otherwise... Have your ass saved. =)

-Megan

Ipod shuffle mix game

2008-11-24T16:35:00.006-05:00

I have always taken rides in my car to think. Always. My friends and I used to love just taking a ride down ocean parkway by the beaches to either just to talk or smoke or what have you.. but we always listen to our favorite songs and sing for the entire ride. I loved going for rides in my car when I was sick because 1. I never got out and this was a way to get out without dealing with peoples reactions to my baldness etc. 2. I could scream and sing to songs as loud as I wanted =) So I created a little game of the 'shuffle songs' option on an ipod. It will select songs from your entire music collection at random. So we started asking the ipod questions... and the songs would be our answer... this is todays ride questions and answers (songs) playlist!

1. Joanna's future relationship: 'No Time For Tears'

2. How Joanna's 'crush' feels: Avril Lavigne 'Hot'

3. Megans Hizzle convos: Katy Perry 'Waking Up In Vegas'

4. Megan & Rob: Jimmy Buffett 'Turning Around'

5. What should we eat: Salt N Peppa 'Lets Talk About Sex'

6. Joannas sex life: Paramore 'Hallelujah'

7.Megans next year: Thelma Houston 'Dont Leave Me This Way'

8. Joannas next year: Justin Nozuka 'Criminal'

9. Our 'fun day': 'Aint nothing gunna break my stride' Men At Work

10. Joannas love life 'Love lockdown' Kanye

11. Megans love life: 'Golden train' Justin Nozuka

12. Our party song: 'The Good Life' Kanye

13. Megans Cancer song: 'That I Would Be Good' Alanis Morissette

14. What we both need in our lives: 'Harder Better Faster Stronger" Daft Punk

-Megan

A new beginning...

2008-11-22T10:46:00.004-05:00

Last year TODAY.. I was diagnosed! I heard the words through a phoneline "Hodgkins Lymphoma" and my entire life changed. I am so grateful for what this year has given me. I have not only changed my outlook on life and my goals- I just see things and people differently.

Life is short. So short. It is beautiful and unforgiving. It tossles you around and throws the oddest curves. I have tried the sympathetic character, I have done the crazy unraveling girl.. I find myself awakening today as the solid rock. The ode to my grandmother. I wannabe that superwoman that she was and still is to most that knew her. I am refreshed and smiling today. I figured I would share. =)

So.. with thanksgiving right around the corner.. I am just smiling.

This is going to be a GREAT year.

-Megan

Love on Cancer...

2008-11-21T11:23:00.002-05:00

My love life on cancer was non existent! I would have figured that if -I was single during the whole process... But I had a boyfriend of 3 years. I do not know what happened to him during my whole battle- He did stay by my side physically- but mentally and emotionally I was a loner. Now that everything is over.. I have been patiently waiting for things to 'get back to normal' And what frustrates me even more- is some days with him I see glimpses of what we had before. I figure.. he's stressed out from bills piling up- I did have cancer and am in remission during a freakin recession! I lost my job, his dad had cancer the same time I did, and he's a mortgage broker..... So right there = stress. But am I just making excuses for the person I remember? Can it still be salvagable? Or do I have to move on.. Am I an idiot for even wanting to stay with someone who wasn't there for me while I was sick? Should I want someone stronger? Or are these all just selfish thoughts?

I am definately a mess about this lately. Everything is starting to heal over... except the one thing I never wanted to get damaged through all of this.

uhhhhh! Figured I would share bc I have to get it out somewhere.

I really feel like the only cancer x that is going through this.. annnddd it sucks!

-Megan

Definately Not Acceptable!

2008-11-19T20:33:00.004-05:00

Ok so I was reading my fellow cancer bloggers recent entries- and came across a story told by another Meaghan. She was venting about a comment her mothers coworker said about her cervical cancer. CLICK ON THIS TO READ HER POST!

Reading this story just makes me so amazed at the audacity of some people. The blatant ignorance, and the rudeness - are just completely NOT ACCEPTABLE! If you do not know how certain cancers form.... research. We live in a modern world of search engines and tons of info at our fingertips. So this blog- is an ode to fighters like Meaghan- dealing with IDIOTS like her mothers coworker. With certain cancers are certain stigmas- so lets just clear some of this up right now!!! Shall we?

First of all.. I'll start with Cervical Cancer.

Now I am definately not an authority on Cervical Cancer- but I got a knot in my stomach when I hear people think you only 'contract' cervical cancer because of sexual activity referencing cervical cancer fighters as; sluts. First of all we all know certain sexually transmitted diseases such as HPV, HIV, and Chlamydia can form into cervical cancer- but that DOES NOT mean that because women are sexually active- and were to accidentally contract any of these things; would mean they were sluts. When everyone is of age- we all have sex. So I do not want to hear it. Even if their cervical cancer did come from these sexually tranmitted diseases- DOES NOT mean that these women deserved 'what they got'. So I DO NOT want to hear that ignorance either. Besides these stigmas we all know- Cervical Cancer can be caused by habits such as smoking, poor diet, not visiting the OBGYN regularly, THE PILL, GENES!! and even some women who have had multiple pregnancies ie; 4-5 children.. you have a higher risk of cervical cancer. And having any of these diseases or risk factors DOES NOT mean this person is a S L U T. So put a cork in it =)

Stop being ignorant and research one of the top killers for women. Hopefully because of people like Meaghan- People like you (mommys coworker's) children and their children won't have to fight like she has.

LUNG CANCER

Lung cancer claims over 90,000 men and
45,000 women each year.
But DID YOU KNOW
Even though 90% of men and 80% of women who have lung cancer was caused by smoking- DOES NOT mean that all lung cancer patients were smokers. Lung cancer can also be caused by: radon gases, asbestos, silica and chromium which all can be found around certain types of workplaces. It can also be carried by genes and inherited*but not proven. Also just having a diet high in fat and alcohol can increase your risk at lung cancer? So DO NOT immediately think in the back of your mind that every lung cancer patient was/is a smoker. And they do not deserve the cancer even if they were/are. So stop the idiotic comments about this cancer too.

My vent is over. =)

For now. There are hundreds of stigmas associated with cancers and different phases of cancer, cancer treatment and the aftermath of it all. I personally get sick when I think of everything that needs to change. We have to change it. Whether through blogging, talking with friends and family, sites like i [2] y among many others- we need to educate people. Make sure they know and understand the facts and fictions of the big C. Please protect yourself and learn what YOUR risk factors are- and try and avoid them. Sooner rather than later.

-Megan

What you don't know CAN hurt you!

2008-11-18T12:06:00.003-05:00

Todays blog I wanted to talk about breast cancer. Two words that are haunting to most women- and even more haunting for the already young and cancerous. I know for myself, the doc said I have a greater chance now that I have had radiation on my chest. Its funny how that works. To get rid of one cancer you increase your risk of another.

More and more women are diagnosed with breast cancer each year. 'The Cancer Establishment' aka the American Cancer Soceity, National Cancer Institute, and dozens of cancer research centers funded by both of these companies- have lobbyed for basic molecular research, screening techniques, diagnostic tests, and treatment strategies as their 'fight'. don't get me wrong.. early detection is great. What happened to Prevention?

Now because you cannot fully protect yourself from the risks of cancer. (It is everywhere and in everything these days) You can reduce your risks.

First, some FACTS:

1. In 1971 President Richard Nixon declared the "War on Cancer," a woman's lifetime risk for contracting breast cancer was 1 in 14. In 1998 it was 1 in 8. Today 1 in 4 women get breast cancer. For those who have already had another type of cancer, or cancer in their family- our risk is 1 in 2. **ALSO 1 in 3 will get some form of cancer.

2. Breast cancer is the leading cause of death in women 35-54

3. From 1950-1992 breast cancer rates rose by 55%

4. From 1973-1992 breast cancer rates rose by 47%

***In another blog I wrote about compounds that were formulated in the 1960's. Most of our everyday chemicals under the sink were all made up during this time. Since those chemicals and food preservatives, medications etc were all formulated- cancer rates have rose 67%***

Since 1960 more than 960,000 American women - DOUBLE the number of Americans (male and female) who died in World Wars 1 & 2 and in the Korean, Vietnam, and Persian Gulf wars COMBINED- have died from breast cancer.

Yet many Americans, even physicians mistakenly think that we are winning the war on cancer because of improved testing and treatment methods. = Nothing could be further from the truth! The truth is until prevention becomes top priority , breast cancer rates will continue to climb.

So what we know:

Cancer is a mutated cell. *The cause we are told is unknown

These mutated cells, like all other cells will continue to multiply. Except most healthy cells know when to stop reproducing, as part of their 'code' but when a cell has been damaged by either a carcinogen, or other substance- the cell 'forgets' - and will continue to divide until a cancer forms.

Breast Cancer are cells that have invaded breast tissue or lymph glands in the chest. The cells start to metastasize through the blood; and end up in the lungs, bone, liver and brain.

The genetic research started in the 1980's and continued breakthroughs in the early 1990's. The reason for continued research is the scientists are hoping to find the gene that is 'passed' from your dna- and dismantle it. The truth is: If people in your family have had cancer before its more because you all share the same habits. Living in the same parts of the country, with the contaminated water, food etc. You share and were passed down nutrtional habits. This continues to not be recognized as a cancer producer. But lets continue::

'The Dirty Dozen' 12 Common but unpublicized risks for breast cancer!

Modern Medical Risks

1. Oral Contraceptives, with early and prolonged use

-In 1969 the New York Post read; Senate Told The Pill Can Kill

an article from John Hopkins University quoted Dr. Hugh Davis

"Never in history have so many individuals taken such potent drugs with so little information available as to the actual and potential hazards. The synthetic chemicals in the Pill are quite unnatural and with respect to their manufacture and with respect to their behavior once they are introduced into the human body. In using these agents, we are in fact embarked on a massive endocrinologic experiment with millions of healthy women."

Despite health concerns, the popularity of oral contraceptives coninued to surge.

1986- 56% of women 20-24 were on the Pill.

1998- 86%

In most cases- These women are still taking the pill today. And straight from the pill women continue to estrogen replacement therapy. This increase in hormones has been proven to cause breast cancer over a period of time. These facts continue to go ignored.

2. Estrogen Replacement Therapy, in high doses and prolonged use

3. Premenopausal mammography, with early and repeated exposure

4. Nonhormonal prescription drugs such as some anti-hypertensives

5. Silicone breast implants, especially those wrapped in polyurethane foam

DIETARY AND ENVIROMENTAL RISKS

6. Diet in high animal fat contaminated with undisclosed carcinogens and estrogenic chemicals.

** Milk is one of the highest risk factors** Cows are given estrogenic chemicals in order to continue to produce the milk after they give birth. This inevitably ends up in your morning cereal.

7. Exposure to household chemicals or pollution from neighboring chemical plants and hazardous waste sites.

**household cleaners have tons of synthetic chemicals that your body cannot metabolize- and it stays in your body** You can easily make a cleaner from vinegar and lemon or tea tree oil + water= homemade cleaner. And tea tree oil kills mold.

8. Workplace exposure to carcinogens. ie; tv, computer etc. Radiation from these appliances travels. I try and keep my time on the internet to a minimum.

LIFESTYLE RISKS

9. Alcohol

10. TOBACCO, with early or excessive use

11. Inactivity and sedentary lifestyle

12. Dark hair dyes, with early and prolonged use

=) I'll chat more about alternatives tomorrow.

Megan

*Documented info was taken from 'The Breast Cancer Prevention Program' where there references are sited in their book, by; Epstein, Steinman, and Levert.

Just another song in my head

2008-11-17T12:29:00.004-05:00

I haven't really gone out alot this year. You know the story.

I have had so much on my plate I just needed to get out. It was my friend Michelle's 24th birthday so the timing was perfect. I put together a little night out to see Long Island's billy joel cover band 'Big Shot' at Mulcaheys on saturday. They always put on such a great show. So the pregaming started at my apartment at 7-730p and we ended up heading over to the bar around 9-930p.. and the band was already on =( The website had said 9p was their set- but they had gone on at 7 so we were catching the end. A couple of drinks and screaming 'Captain Jack' and the night was only starting.

Well, as I have already been talking about- in a past blog- with everything I have gone through Rob & I (my boyfriend of almost 4 years) haven't been doing so great. I feel like his goddamn roomie- instead of his goddamn girlfriend! Still. This weekend just confirmed my thoughts- and now I have even more crap riling around inside. I would talk about it more with you- but I'll just end up getting myself into trouble. So instead.. I'll just share some new music with you. Safetysuit 'Someone Like You' -Listen and enjoy!

=) Megan

What i've done VS. What you should do; Monnnaaayy!

2008-11-12T14:10:00.005-05:00

Well I officially have no faith in our government.

I have seen the flaws and holes and corruption throughout my entire battle. And.. NO FAITH!

When I was sick I had to fill out FMLA paperwork for my job. That was a little health leave buffer of another 3 months.. The Family Medical Leave Act- Is paperwork that is suppose to ensure your job, so I thought. While I was sick I tried applying for money and grants through various programs- but found out that unfortunately the time of year I had gotten sick- is coincidentally the ending to alot of these programs 'fiscal year' aka no more money. Even more so- I lived off of savings most of the year I was sick.

Now Im broke. Broke, broke, broke, broke.

In May of this year I received a call from my employer (who's name I will not mention) telling e that my 'health leave' time had exceeded and unless I could go back to work by Monday (this phonecall being Friday) that I would be fired. This isn't a little hole in the wall place of employment- this is a major fortune five hundred company on Long Island. I was stunned. And actually (THANKS HR WOMAN) Because I had just gotten home from chemotherapy and the news mad me sick. After having a couple of mild panic attacks and after using almost a whole roll of tiolet papered tears- I got up from my bathroom floor breakdown and started talking to my mother. My mom always spent the day of treatment with me- and She was wondering what all the fuss was about. She immediately told me I needed to get down to Social Services and file for Medicaid, Food Stamps, and any other services they could provide- and thats just what I did.

Then about a month later I was told that I was eligible for Social Security benefits. So the following day- I went down to the social security office and filed for disability. I waited 6 months and I finally got a letter in the mail. DENIED.

Ok here's my VENTING SPACE::::::::::::::::::::::::

The letter had stated that because of my age my ability to recover was greater than that of an older individual. FUCK YOU DISABILITY! You straight up told me that because Im younger- I can't get money. Even though your own doctors said I was completely eligible for benefits. My earnings printout stated that I had paid into the system enough to receive as well. So it shouldn't matter the age- Just the reason for the disability. Plain and simple.

END OF VENT.

I just couldn't believe what I was reading. I realize that they want to save benefits for retirees- But I had CANCER. I was completely disabled- and Now I got a lawyer- Just to prove a point. And I will go after my ex employer- for the same reason. This should not continue to happen. I lost my job- and are now still not cleared to go back to work- IN A RECESSION. A little help from the government I paid into for so long - would be nice.

O K SO LESSON?

Newly diagnosed.. get your financial shit together!

Cancer sucks- But you're not going to die. You're not. If you think you will.. then... What can I say? Don't believe everything you hear. I've seen people beat the odds.. tons of people- So first get your shit together- so when You want to go back to work- You wont have bills upon bills piled up around you- and no job to go back to.

First things first..

YOUR EMPLOYER!

Make sure you have all paperwork filed and signed for short term disability. At the time you get sick- If you do not have Long term disability- You can file for it as soon as you know of your diagnosis. (I didn't know that.. I learned) Talk with your HR dept or your boss and discuss your options.

HOW LONG DO YOUR DOCTORS EXPECT YOU IN TREATMENT?

If it is over a year - FILE FOR DISABILITY NOW! AS SOON AS YOU GET SICK.. bc the process is long and hard- and HIRE A LAWYER! Do not wait- Like most people say until you receive your denial letter. Just call Binder & Binder and have them worry about all of the paperwork- While you can focus on getting well. *Their fee is 25% of whatever you win. Costly but reasonable- JUST DO IT!

SAVE EVERY RECEIPT!!!

You can apply to certain organizations and foundations for reimbursement.

American Cancer Soceity has mileage reimbursement. .5 cents per mile (I got a 50 $ check for over 400 miles) Its not much but its something!

**BOYCOTT THE ACS** Where does there money go- if not the patient?

Healthwell Foundation will reimburse you for either you copays or you can apply to have your insurance payments paid by them. Again- all of this is partial to their fiscal year- If you're sick at the end of the year- just try and wait until a grant opens up.

CALL CANCERCARE!!!

First of all they have a 200$ grant *if you qualify

Cancercare is a great organization because they have boatloads of info for you! They will even send you a little packet of resources in your area. Its great! They also have counseling over the phone, which I ended up using on those days- that are just plain horrible.

AND last by not least.. SOCIAL SERVICES

Its hell. Im not going to lie to you. I was sick off of the chemo and waited for over 3 hours to see someone to just file the paperwork. I'll never forget it- But they will help you! I receive about 160$ in foodstamps and about 305$ towards rental assistance a month + Medicaid. IM NOT ASHAMED! My boyfriend didn't want me to 'blog' about it online- but who cares? The stigma of foodstamps and medicaid is ridiculous.. if you really need the help! I needed the health insurance after my employer canned me- so... it was my last resort!

*They even offer help with heating payments in the wintertime*for those who qualify

SO dont make my mistakes!

Know exactly what your options are and take full advantage of everything.

=) Megan

To the nitty gritty

2008-11-08T00:39:00.006-05:00

I've talked alot about my experiences with certain organizations, social services, my dogs- but I haven't even started to talk about my relationship with my boyfriend through cancer.

I was actually debating whether or not I should post about this topic- until I realized that this is something that severely effected my self image and self esteem. My friends told me all of the time how I looked good bald, how they got used to seeing me bald, how I had so much courage to go out without a wig- But sometimes I just wanted to crawl myself into a ball and cry alone.

A little backround info - 4 1 1 - on my relationship pre-cancer.

I first met Rob, my boyfriend, when I was 16 years old. I was a metal mouthed youngster that was invited to a 'college' party- which ended up being Rob's 24th birthday party. The first thing he said to me was 'The milk and cookies are upstairs, kid.' And I didn't like him too much after that. I didn't see him again until two years later- I had graduated high school, gotten rid of the braces and had just gotten back from a cross country trip. My friend was dating his best friend. She invited me out to a bar that the 'older men' snuck us into and we started talking. He didn't realize I was the same chick. We dated for about 6 months before buying a dog- and 6 more months after that we had moved in together. We have actually been together ever since.

Almost 4 years in February.

Everything was perfect. I had a great job. Well, a job I hated- but it paid well. And Rob was doing pretty well at work. We were both happy and carefree, at least I thought. Then in November of 2007- the word and diagnosis of c a n c e r changed everything.

As soon as I was diagnosed he became very distant. He said 'i love you' and 'how are you feeling' but for the next couple months it was all just small-talk. My doctor started talking to me about fertility options and treatments and how it was a good idea to get some eggs frozen because there was a chance that I could become infertile from the chemotherapy drugs.

I went to the fertility doctors and they all said I had a 10% chance of conceiving with eggs. And a 60% chance of conceiving with embryos- and asked me if I was in a stable relationship. I was just given the news of cancer- and now I had to ask my boyfriend if I could use his sperm to freeze children and if he could sign papers giving up his paternity rights- in case if we went sour- and I still wanted to use them. Lets just sum this up as- shock and awe.

It was crazy to have to make these kinds of decisions at 21 years old. Hell- at any time in a young woman's life. This is crazy. After talking with him- He said he would do anything I needed. It's exactly what he knew I needed to hear- and I'll admidt it was comforting. I felt so wrong for even having the audacity to ask such favors- BIG favors from a man I love.

Besides seeing a girl he graduated high school with at the fertility procedure- The whole process wasn't bad- and I came out with 12 frozen babies.

**No, I am not using all of them crazy anti abortionist people**

Now everything was the same after that. Day in - day out- Rob stayed away from me. His dad was diagnosed with a rare nerve cancer about a week after having learned of mine. It was just a really hard time- But everything took a turn for the worse when I lost my hair. I went for my first chemotherapy treatment- and he called me to make sure I was feeling alright. But my mom stayed by my side- for the treatment day and afterwards. I would be alone for the next couple days with Rob having to work until 9pm everyday. When he came home he would sweetly kiss me on my head and then again, leave me alone. I started to notice that I had turned into 'his roomie' and stopped being his girlfriend.

It was a pretty rough time. By my second chemotherapy treatment- my hair was falling out. In clumps, in my hands, I would break down and cry- and Rob didn't know how to handle it. Finally I just got fed up with feeling horrible and took scissors and cut it all off. I waited for my friend, Jackie, to come over and buzz it. Rob continued to avoid me like the plague. I knew he was having a hard time adjusting to both me and his dad having to go through all of this at the same time- But I knew I needed some support- and I needed someone to make me smile. That's when my friends and I decided to have 'Buzz Party' !!

My friend, Jackie, came over with her buzzer and shaved both my head- and my great friend, Justins. We documented with tons of photos and they really made it fun. I don't think I will ever forget it. - It meant more to me than I could ever describe.

Okay- to the REALLY nitty gritty and hopefully Rob doesn't decide to read this and flip- But We weren't sexual the entire time I was going through chemotherapy (6 months)

He made me feel gross and not beautiful because he always wanted to kiss me only if I had my wig on. Don't get me wrong- I wouldn't have minded dressing up and making it fun with different wigs... ya know! =) But.. I just wanted him to sincerely tell me I was beautiful AT MY WORST. I just wanted to hear it. Just once. I would try asking him and having conversations about how he was making me feel- but none of that ever got through to him. It hurt me alot. It actually makes me cry thinking about it.

I owe alot to my friends for helping me get through it all- especially the added stress of my relationship strain- But I am thankful for everything that was revealed to me through this whole process. I am still with Rob. He realized how he made me feel and he's tried making it up to me but I do not regret the experience- or hold him to it- I found my own strength while he wasn't there. That is the most important reason on why I wanted to post these intimate details about my relationship and what happened to it on cancer. I started to look to myself to make me smile, and find characteristics on my face and body- that made me fall in love with myself for the first time. At the end of treatment- I didn't feel like I needed his opinion at all. I love him, I love him very much- But I am a stong ass bitch who's body just kicked cancer! Even though I believe it was a mistake, how he acted- it was a mistake. period. And I have let it go completely- Because I know better than anybody- that bitterness is like cancer. It will try and kill you, bring you down, and You can easily get rid of it- by cutting it out completely.

-Megan- xo.

I found something WORSE THAN CHEMO!!!!!!

2008-11-07T22:26:00.005-05:00

O M G

That is all that comes to mind when I think of everything I've gone through over the past couple days. Yes my friends! I have found something worse than chemo..... FLEAS!!!

I have two dogs. A beautiful golden retriever, Duke, who I have had since I was 10 years old, and a toy poodle, Charlie, that I bought with my boyfriend, Rob. He was an impulse buy. Ok ok actually before we get to the flea catastrophe- I'll let you know a quick story. Rob & I had only been together for about 5-6 months when we decided to spend a beautiful autumn day 'out east' on long island to go pumpkin picking. That day was the best. After taking hours and hours and tons of stands to find the best pumpkins, apple pies and candy apples- we decided to stop for lunch in Port Jefferson, NY. For those of you who aren't from long island- Its a cute little-old 'port' town. We had a great lunch and decided to walk the lines of shops they had. (bad idea) We entered this little puppy store just to look at the puppies. (just to look, eh?) My mom used to take my sister and I here to look at the dogs everytime we came to Port Jeff. Well Rob and I had found this little ity bity curly apricot fluff that fit into our hands and we fell in love. I got emotional bc I knew that there was NO WAY we could get him... He was over priced- and we both had only known each other for a couple of months.. where would he stay? Well, Rob got him for me- and I got kicked out of my house until my grammy petitioned for Charlie to stay. Ever since then- He's been my little baby.

Ok so back to FLEAS... yuck!

We have had Charlie for about 3 years and I have never had a dog to get fleas. It has been disgusting. Grotesk. Disturbing. I have been just plain sceved out. I woke up around 8 am yesterday morning and Charlie was itching like crazy. Almost a little twitch. He was rubbing himself everywhere and I knew something was up. I checked him and at first didn't see anything. Then seeing him in obvious agony- I checked him again. I then started to see little black dots everywhere. All throughout his little curly coat. As I started to look deeper- I saw these little black brownish bugs crawling around his skin- and little bite marks on his tummy.

'My poor baby' is what I should have first thought- but unfortunately- that is not how I reacted. I quickly put charlie in the bathtub- and pulled the glass door closed so he was stuck in the tub. He started to cry- and then I started to cry. I did not know how to handle fleas.. I had never had a dog get them before. So as he was in the tub (I gave him a cookie for being a good sport and a towel to lay on so he wasn't cold) I started googling what-to-dos. I phoned my boyfriend to come home from his little morning gym routine and help me because I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. Rob went out and bought flea shampoo, sprays and treatments for the dog. As soon as he came home with it- I started washing Charlie. I washed him about 6 times before I felt they were gone. I then kept him in the bathroom while I proceeded to check the apartment. I found a towel in my laundry that was full of them. The towel I had found outside the night before and brought inside to take to the laundrymat. So I had brought the fleas into the house and made my little Charlie vulnerable. I shoved all the laundry outside- and hosed it down before putting it into a plastic bag- and taking it to the cleaners to wash in very very hot water and bleach. When I got home I proceeded to spray down the entire apt. with this 'zodiac' spray- and then gave the dog the topical treatment. Great news was- I have been watching my 13 year old golden retriever for my mom and I knew I had to wash him too. I scrubbed him down about 2 times which took another 2 hours. (he's a big boy with bad hips) It was horrible. We had to leave the apt when I sprayed- so it wouldnt be toxic to us- so I took them for a ride down the beach- and finally had my first bite to eat for the entire day. Yum.
After 12 hours of cleaning.. sanitizing.. spraying.. vaccuming.. mopping.. and trips to the laundrymat- I felt like it was okay to re-inhabit. A couple of hours later I started to notice Charlie acting wierd. He was acting very lethargic and just not himself. He usually is always wanting to play and has tons of energy- he wasnt even moving. He was just laying in my arms and shaking. I started googling all of the products I had used on him and came across alot of threads about one of the products - BIO SPOT ON! It was the topical treatment I had put on his shoulder blades and his tailbone after all of the washing. The threads were talking about adverse side effects- and even some pet fatalities. I started to FREAK! I brought the fleas in- and now I poisoned my dog!!!

The really FUCKED UP part.. is that when we called the 24 hour vet here- They wouldn't tell us anything over the phone except 'Bring him in!' If you have pets too- you will know a vets visit is at least 100 bucks if its an emergency room visit- and hey- Times are rough. So we tried to get them to just let us know if the symptoms were normal. But- NADA. They just kept repeating- 'You need to bring him in!'

FUCK YOU VET NAZI!

The proceeded to give us the number for animal posion control. And guess what? They wanted 60 dollars on a credit card before they would even come to the phone- It is absolutely ridiculous. So.. more googling. Im not doctor- but I figured that if he was just tired- it was probably a reaction to the medications so I washed him a couple times in reg oatmeal puppy shampoo- and force fed him some water. About a half of an hour later- He was acting more like himself. SO WARNING::::: BIO SPOT ON CAUSES BAD REACTIONS IN SMALL BREEDS!!!! READ ONLINE THREADS ABOUT PRODUCT- THERE IS ALOT MORE NEGATIVE FEEDBACK THEN POSTIVE SO GET FRONTLINE!!!

I just cannot believe everything that happened yesterday. It was literally the day from hell.

AKA.. FLEAS ARE FAR WORSE THAN CHEMO, in my opinion.

Also here are just some tips I learned a bit too late - on how you can handle fleas cheaper.. and healthier for you and your dog.

1. Blue Dawn dishsoap and white vinegar can be used as a dip(flea shampoo) It will stun fleas and kill them and their eggs.

2. A mild detergent from the 50's 'BORAX' can be sprinkled onto your carpets and upholstry. Its only about 3.99 a box versus the 17$-25$ sprays you will come across to be able to rid your home. And I heard from a couple friends that BORAX will work better- and more importantly- ITS NON TOXIC!!!

3. To keep fleas away- FEED YOUR DOG GARLIC!! A tip from one of my best friend's italian mother. She raises pugs- and feeds her dogs garlic- which once the flea feeds off of the dog- it completely sceved and finds another host.

SO TRY THAT FIRST BEFORE TRIPPING YOURSELF INTO SPENDING 50-100 bucks to get these little creepers out of your home.

=) FLEAS SUCK. -Megan

Elect she on!!

2008-11-04T19:17:00.002-05:00

Well last night we elected our new president Barack Obama.

I have my doubts, not only for Obama- but I had them for John McCain as well. No matter who got elected I know that the next couple of years are going to require alot of endurance and talent from whomever made it. I will admidt- I did not vote for Obama... But I am happy that he won.

Last night I was sitting watching as the polls closed and channeling back and forth watching and waiting for the results. I knew deep down that Barack had won - But as soon as he did I felt.. 'changed' I had witnessed a moment in history. I had experienced a story that will forever be told to my children and their children. The election that lifted spirits- and for the first time ever, a black man had become president- and had awoken every sleeping soul politically. The whole world was watching our election- and celebrating the results- and just that feeling of unity for that brief moment while everyone was celebrating was intense.

Talking about politics- I was denied social security benefits. This is something I will get more into on another post, I want to dedicate this post to the election day yesterday. But- I was upset from being denied after being out of work for a year- and sick and everything I've gone through I just couldn't believe these things could happen. I wrote a letter to my congressman, the honorable Peter King. This letter was sent out via email about a week or so ago. Very recent. Yesterday, on election day, a representative for Mr. King called me about my letter. The letter was just about my situation, my cancer, and social security- and the representative told me that if I wanted to appeal the decision that he would write a letter to hopefully expedite the case- so I wouldn't have to continue to wait for some assistance. SO in honor of that courtesy- I just wanted to say: Thank you Mr King. I will be taking you up on that offer.

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Halloween on cancer

2008-10-29T12:26:00.021-04:00

I spent about a year inside. Spending holidays inside sucks. The cold weather was easier to bare inside then the summertime- But being sick and stuck alone really, for lack of a better word, BLOWS! I wanted to write about some ideas I had for spending

halloween on cancer.

Cooking. Only attempt if you're not on the chemo. If you're stomach doesn't mind.. Theres alot of yummy affordable treats you can whip up while home.

Red Candied Apples

8 Firm red apples

8 wooden sticks (washed popsicle sticks work great!)

3 cups granulated sugar

1/2 cup light corn syrup
1 cup water

1/4 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. red food coloring

1. After washing remove all stems and insert popsicle stick. (you can also use kabob sticks, or smore sticks whatever is easier for you to find or cheaper)
2. Grease cookie sheet that you're going to place dipped apples on
3. Mix sugar, syrup and water in pot and heat to 300F (150C) on candy thermometer. (You can find candy thermometers at your local arts and crafts store or without using your candy thermometer you can tell by taking a drop of syrup and putting it in a cup of cold water. If the boil is at the right temperature- the drop will separate into brittle strands.)
4. Mix in cinnamon and food coloring.
5. Dip apples and set on cookie sheet. Wait until fully dry and ENJOY! mmm!

Caramel Apples

8 firm apples

8 wooden sticks

1 1/3 cups evaporated milk

1/2 cup light corn syrup

2 cups granulated sugar

1 tbs.. butter or margarine

1 tsp. vanilla

1. After washing remove stems and insert popsicle stick.
2. Mix together milk, syrup and sugar in pot and heat. Stir together until fully dissolved.
3. Bring to a BOIL- Soft Ball Stage 240F (150C) (soft ball stage is when a drop in cold water forms a soft ball) remove from heat.
4. Add butter and vanilla and DIP!
Let cool before eating and YUMMM!

My 'Grammy Grams' Pie

She taught me how to make it- nd Im going to share it with you!!
I don't know measuring or how many apples- I kind of just go with looks and taste, so I will try!

Usually about 6-8 Macintosh apples
*the kind of apples are very important for the taste of the pie
1. Wash and peel all apples and cut into tiny cubes
then place in large bowl.
2. then take about 2 handfuls of brown sugar
and mix together into apples.
3. Then you want to take about 1 tablespoon of cinnamon,
maybe more you have to taste test- if theres too much cinnamon
you have to peel another apple or two and put in more brown sugar
4. Put a good 3 teaspoons of lemon juice into the mix and let sit for about a half hour
*this gives apples time to excrete their own juices into lemon sugar juice.
5. At this time you want to remove frozen pie shells from freezer
and let sit out for the half hour you are waiting for apples.
(I get frozen pillsbury shells.. It doesnt matter about the crust-
its all about the apples-
thats why just get them frozen it saves you money and time)
6. Heat oven to 350F
7. fill shells with apple goodness
8. One pie shell will have to cover apple goodness and
then take one beaten egg and slater top of pie with it
(it will make crust extra crunchy and yummy)
9. Bake for about 20 minutes
10. Check crust- if it isn't brown enough for you-
leave for another 10 minutes
11. take out of oven and immediately throw into fridge.
(If you take pie out and leave out- it will continue to cook apples
leaving them mushy, if thats how you like it more power to you-
but I like my apples a little undercooke- it gives the pie a better taste)

Now onto the stuff for the chemo-ers!

Arts and Crafts!!!

This time of year has tons of craft stores overloaded with craft kits for kids and yourself to do. Edible haunted houses, foam kits, pumpkin carving sets- etc etc. Here are some 'homemade' ideas if you're tight on the dolllaaaasss!

Leaves Collage

This is my favorite time of year! I love all of the colors of the leaves and when I was little I used to collect leaves and elmers glue them to come cardboard. It always turned out beautifully- so Im putting this on here as a great CHEAP 'arts and crafts' thing to do at home. And all it costs you is the glue and cardboard paper. Heck!- You can really glue the leaves to anything- if you're feeling green, and want to recycle some bill or doctors note =) But you can add anything to these.. and if you have kids they love the time you spend with them creating these little leave collages! Add pictures, beads, feathers, rocks etc- or anything else you find outside. And because we chemo-ers dont get a chance to go outside alot- this can all be collected during a brief brisk walk- just bundle up!!

APPLE WITCH!

I remember this craft from 1st grade! This was some class mom's idea- and I guess it really stuck with me. What you do is you get an apple and peel it. Then you just carv out two eyes and a nose. If you leave it for about 2 weeks or so- the apple becomes dried up and as time rots the apple- the carving you made- starts to really form into an ugly old witch!!!! All you do is make a witchs hat with some black cardboard paper.. and bam.. Apple witch!!!

Well- really this is the best time of year to be outside... unless of course you're immune system can only stand short brief and brisk walks- but be sure to get outside when you can. Nutrtional hint; Do not have any fruit on the day that you're going to be going outside. Fruit lowers your body temperature.. and can potentially make you feel alot colder! Allot of doctors will say thats rubbish- and Im not saying not to listen to them- but its a tip provided from my holistic nutrionist friends.

Happy Halloween!

-Megan

Please stop sending money to AMERICAN CANCER SOCEITY!!!

2008-10-21T16:33:00.002-04:00

I don't know how many times Im going to have to talk about The American Cancer Soceity. (ACS) Through almost a year of treatments and copays they were only able to give me money through their 'Mileage Reimbursement Program'. I received $50.00 - total. A check that came 4 weeks after submitting the forms. I have tried to speak to a bunch of people through their phone hotline and emails through their website. And thats the only program they could offer me... to receive money. I dont even care about the 50 bucks- But for a company.. yes COMPANY!!! NOT CHARITY!!! that makes over 800 BILLION dollars a year I just have to wonder where is it all going???

I was reading an article on http://www.preventcancer.com/ which has been written and reviewed by hundreds of pretigious scientists and experts in cancer prevention, policymakers and non governmental organizations- that have tried to trigger an investigation into 'the cancer industry' ie: ACS and NCI!!

::::Straight from the article::::

NCI's budget has increased 30 fold. From 150 million to 4.6 billion for 2003. And that the budgeted amount for 'prevention' is being overexaggerated- and how the budget is only parallelled by the escalating incidence of cancer. Rep. Jan Schakowsky (D-Ill.), a leading member of Congress, is calling for an investigation by the General Accounting Office.

NCI and ACS failed to develop meaningful strategies on a wide range of causes of cancers -- such as childhood, ovarian and non-Hodgkin's lymphoma -- from avoidable exposures to industrial carcinogens, prescription drugs and diagnostic radiation.
• The Chronicle of Philanthropy, the nation's leading charity watchdog, has charged that the ACS is "more interested in accumulating wealth than in saving lives."

"The decades-long silence of the cancer establishment on a wide range of avoidable causes of cancer, other than personal lifestyle, has tacitly encouraged powerful corporate polluters and industries to continue manufacturing carcinogenic products," warns Cancer Prevention Coalition Chairman, Dr. Samuel Epstein

"This silence also reflects an effective denial of citizens' fundamental Right-to-Know, compromises their empowerment, and results in serious environmental injustice by unnecessarily sacrificing their health and welfare," warns Dr. Nicholas Ashford, a Massachusetts Institute of Technology policy expert.

So people.. I really think its time to STOP donating your money to the AMERICAN CANCER SOCEITY! There are tons of other organizations who donate straight to cancer research and to most imporantly- THE PATIENT!

Im still reading and researching a bunch of things- While also trying to find a job- and put my life back together. So if you have any comments or concerns about this article or any others- Please email me at YoungandCancerous@yahoo.com

-Health and Love-

Megan

PUERTOOO RICOOOOO

2008-10-17T00:48:00.014-04:00

I haven't written in awhile. I found myself in a funky place a few weeks back. Just the stress of bills piling up, doctors, medicaid.. even friends and family starting to tick timers on my return to the workforce. Which I have been anticipating, but anxious about as well. I just started to well, freak out. I would have figured being cancer free for about two months now, I would have started to feel better- But I just started to have mini panic attacks, insomnia, and my energy level sucks ass. Im always tired- or wear out easily.

My mother knew I needed a vacation. I didn't really leave my apartment from Nov 2007 and most of 2008. I couldn't really 'get color' or tan during the summer for obvious chemo reasons- So I was super excited when she told me about her little trip planned for both of us for PUERTO RICO. When we went I couldn't believe I was on vacation. My mom and I have rarely been on a real vacation. We've usually gone to Virginia Beach, North Carolina beaches.. Really places that were cheap and easy for a single mom of two. And for that same reason neither of us had a passport!! I am so glad we didn't though. Because where we stayed was AMAZING. The Intercontinental Resort of San Juan. Ugh- It was unbelievable. When we first arrived we upgraded our room to oceanview and waited for it to be ready outside in the poolbar. We had gotten such a great deal from priceline for airfare and hotel at 480 a person!!! for 5 days!!! I know... I know.. FABULOUS!!!

We drank so much rum. Everywhere you went there was RUM. We were Snorkeling and had pina coladas all day on the boat. We took a all day tour out of the hotel with 'Eco-Island' and they took us to La Culebra Island. We went snorkeling for about an hour and a half but mom and I were in the water for 45 minutes flat. There were jellyfish everywhere and this bod doesn't have energy like it used to. But after the snorkeling we went around the island to Flamenco Beach. It was out of a dream. If I were to imagine a heaven, this beach would be it. The water was teal, the beach was white. It was a partly cloudy day- and the clouds were bright white and shaped like swirls of whipped cream. A perfect day. We ended up floating in the water for about an hour before being provided more coladas and a picnic lunch. Ah. That day was great. My mom spent the night lathering in aloe as I complained about not getting enough color thanks to my SPF 80!!! I didn't burn- But my skin felt like it was burnt. I assumed it was sensitive from the radiation therapy I finished about a month and a half ago. I probably shouldnt have been out at all- But I don't know where my mind would be if I didnt go on this trip. Sometimes- You really just need breather. And boy did I.

We spent most of our vacation on the beach, at the hotel's pool, hottub, eating puerto rican dishes in old san juan & we reserved one dress up night for the infamous Ruth's Chris Steakhouse- which was delissshhh. We also visited the Bacardi Rum Distillery- which was fun- But I would skip it. Its a free tour but we had to take a bus from the hotel to Old San Juan. Which was an experience in itself. We learned NOT to take the A5 which was a 45 minute ride through really crummy parts of San Juan. After making that mistake once we learned to wait for the C53 which was 20 minutes and a brand new air conditioned bus- downside: crazy woman driver with very long nails who talks on her cellphone while chucking the bus almost sideways on turns. A ride, to say the least. After the bus we had to walk to the pier- take a ferry across the bay- then a taxi from the pier to the factory. A total back and forth of 24 dollars - which isnt much- But next time Im opting to stay at the hotel pool bar and get a couple drinks there. =)
I'll be writing again very soon. I have my oncologist apt tomorrow.

=) Megan

Breast Cancer 'Awareness' Month

2008-10-01T01:34:00.001-04:00

Well its that time of year again. Breast Cancer Awareness Month!

First of all- I don't think we need to be 'aware' anymore. Almost everyone in the entire country has had a friend or family member taken or touched by this horrible monster. Forget awareness. I can't stand that term. It should be all about PREVENTION!!!

As many fellow women lymphomers- Im sure you all have sat down with your doctors like I have- and had the 'breast cancer' talk. Something they didn't talk about with you before treatment. Why worry you anymore? right? The fact that having radiation on your chest, or having any lymphs cancerous in your chest already has given us a higher risk for potentially 'contracting' breast cancer in the future. Fabulous news after having felt undefeated by this bastard. (I have my nicknames for cancer.. Monster, Bastard, Fucking Bully! All keeping cancer true to form) =)

So I, after having had already battled the bully- have a chance of dealing with this in the future?
Hah. No. I dont think so. Not ever again.

Awareness. Breast Cancer gets 1 in every 8 women. There.. You are AWARE. But do you know of all the things that cause it? I didnt think so. I didn't either.

Most people will say that we dont know what causes cancer- and that that is what research is for. Except the truth is that the research you are donating all of your hard earned dollars for is going to genetic research. Now this is great however, on breast cancer statistics on the American Cancer Soceity website- they say only 5-10% of all breast cancer patients got their disease genetically. THAT MEANS 90-95% OF WOMEN GET BREAST CANCER FROM OTHER FACTORS!!!!!!!!!!! Do you know what those factors are?

Did you know that eating milk and cheese puts you at risk?
Or that if you have taken 'The Pill' THAT has put you at a higher risk?

I will go on when I am finished reading this AMAZING book I HAD to mention.

Being that it is Breast Cancer Awareness Month-
Lets make ourselves AWARE OF RISK FACTORS!!!!

Go out and buy: 'The Breast Cancer Prevention Program'
by: Samuel S. Epstein M.D. and David Steinman with Suzanne LeVert

Beetlejuice! aka quick DMV story

2008-09-23T21:25:00.000-04:00

Today I had to go to the DMV to renew my drivers license. Well- It was actually pretty painless. However, everytime I am at the dmv I think of the ending scene from Beetlejuice. I was cracking up in my head as I was patiently waiting for my number to ring on their little black screen. It actually makes the same little *ding* as in the movie too!! I found the scene I thought of today- And I hope you watch it and everytime you're at that horrible place- You laugh.

I only found this important to mention because I realized as I took my new license picture- That for the next 4 years.. I will have my super short- post cancerous do. Once I receive my photo id I will be sure to add the picture up here- But it made me so excited for some reason. I don't know whether it is the fact that I will be reminded of my journey for the next couple years- hopefully motivating me, or just that I find my super short hair and my new growing fondness for my big ears intrigueing. It was a pretty cool moment of clarity.

Until next time- stay strong!!!

-Megan

Chemo Memories

2008-09-20T16:36:00.000-04:00

I went to the doctor the other day and I was amazed at my reaction to my return. I had to have my port flushed and blood tests. All my chemo memories came flooding back...

My doctors office is split into two sections. When you walk in the door you see the waiting room and the front desk on your right hand side. The ladies behind it always seem so busy, and the people in the waiting room have convinced me that I am the youngest patient there. Then there is a little hallway to your left that you have to walk through if you have treatment. Another desk, and more busy women behind it. You have to sign in and go find a seat in the 8 chairs they have in a horseshoe. All recliner hospital chairs. When I was going through treatment I would always try and pick a chair where I could get a view of the little tiny tv they had up in the left corner of the room. It always made me laugh how they always had a cooking channel on. For those of you who are reading this and have never gone through chemotherapy - You still know chemo = nausea. And they had food.. on the tv.. hmmmmm.. That always made me laugh. I would sit down and immediately giggle a bit and quickly signal my mom to change the channel.

I sat down for these tests and immediately remembered the feelings of treatments. The anxiety of knowing what was coming when you sat down. You knew that the next couple days were just going to be horrible. I would try to have conversations with my mom or the nurses about something completely irrelevant to keep my mind occupied on other 'lighter' subjects. The smell. Even just the smell got me nausea. The plastics of their gloves, the iv bags, the tubes and the syringes. I smelt it all. The real winner was the smell of the iodine. UH! I will never use that in my first aid kits again.

The sounds brought back memories from that deep dark place you shove it into when chemo is finished. I heard the nurses explaining to the chemo 'newbies' the side effects, the red flags- the 'beginners speech' they give to all of the starters. I felt graduated and happy I didn't have to sit through treatment again.

I was definately the youngest there. It sucked being the youngest. I almost wanted to take a stroll through the pediatric oncology center to make myself feel better. Feeling like the youngest can bring on those 'self pity' feelings and thoughts- So do anything and everything you can to know YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE YOUR AGE GOING THROUGH THIS!!

Alright- what Im about to explain - I have to make a special note that EVERYONE REACTS DIFFERENT to chemo. Some people get sick right away, some people it takes 1 day.. 2 days.. Some people don't even get sick at all. All you need to know is that the horror stories from 10 years ago- the medicines have changed. Even 3-5 years ago- You are still going to have a much different experience than anyone that has come before you. So it is important to talk with people IN treatment as well as OUT of treatment. Do not think you are going to get sick.. because.. THEN YOU WILL.

So after all of the sights and smells already turning my stomach- It was time for the actual treatment. A quick swallow of my EMEND. (My anti Nausea meds which worked wonders) Now onto my chemo.. A B V D.. Haunting letters to me now. I don't remember what order they went in- but I had 4 different kinds of chemotherapy. Three of them were shot through the port by a syringe. All I remember is I tasted it. I had to hold my breath or I was going to lose it. One was pink and tasted like metal- The other two were clear and felt warm and a little burney when they went through the tube from the port into my artery. I felt that. No pain. Done- Not that bad. But then I had to sit on a drip of the 4th and final chemo drug. Didn't feel or taste it. It took about an hour to get through the bag. By the end of that hour I was tired, almost hungover. A little dizzy- but I just wanted to get home. They had to close everything up. But first they had to shoot the port with heparin. Which was a blood thinner and prevented your port from getting clogged up with clots. Which was another complication I wanted to forgo.

Heparin I tasted too. Yuck. Now onto the Neulasta shot. Neulasta is a wonderful drug they have. It costs a ridiculous amount for your insurance company- but most doctors will put you on it anyway. (if you have treatment once every 2 weeks like I did) The shot actually helps your white blood cells. So you can continue treatment. The doctor will not treat you if you have a low white cell count. So again, another complication with treatment I can forgo. Alot of people can get sick, pneumonia, flu, coughs, infections- really anything. Your immune system is ravaged by chemo- your body has a really hard time performing other jobs. Neulasta is just a little help for your bod- but it burns like hell. It has to be refrigerated. SO word to the wise- Ask them to take it out of the refridgerator when you first get to treatment. I found that if its cold- When they shoot it in your arm it burns and continues to burn for several minutes. When it becomes room temperature- there is no pain.

That one last shot- singled my end of treatment and I was able to go home. Then it was the next couple of days that really surprised me. But I will talk about that in a future post.

Until next time, stay strong, healthy and most of all HAPPY!!
-Megan

THE STUPID CANCER COMEDY SHOW!

2008-09-18T13:33:00.003-04:00

I wanted to write a quick 'Thank You' to the people at 'ImTooYoungForThis.org'

I was able to attend this awesome show hosted by I [2] y! And really had the best night I've had in months. The show was funny as hell, it was open bar- and I got the tickets for free?! How can I thank you guys enough. I finally met my facebook fellow lymphoma buddy Jack Bouffard, who is a regional chair now for the i [2] y organization. And if you're reading this.. it was a pleasure! Im only sad I wasn't able to talk for awhile- It was on the way out while we were being handed 'goody bags' which were a super plus. So, I just wanted to share some photos from that night.

First my friend Justin and I started out in Litty Italy for the San Genarro festival- Which was so much fun. We sat down and were able to fully enjoy some of NY's best pasta. I had chicken cacciatori while Justin scarfed down some chicken a la joey. It was delissssh. Then immediately after pummeling our bellies with pasta and chicken we stuffed our faces with zeppolis. UGH! I felt like such a kid biting into this hot mess with powdered sugar falling everywhere. Then we quickly hit another stand stocking my bag with candy apples and chocolate strawberries and started walking to the subway. We catch the first train headed uptown while making quiet little prayers that we weren't going to get lost. We come up out of the subway into a lovely healthcare rally/strike some company was having on some street and 14th. All we know is we have walking to do- so we book for GOTHAM COMEDY CLUB!

YAYYY! After walking like I haven't walked in MONTHS!! We finally arrive at the Im Too Young For This Stupid Cancer Comedy Show!!! I was so excited. We get in and sure enough- We are parked rght in front of the mic. Who can complain though? The tickets were free. I received an email- from i [2] y's presidente Matthew Zachary asking if I wanted to go thanks to their angel program.. so WHOO HOO! Thank You to Whoever donated for the event- You possibly sent me there- and I cant thank you enough.

The comedians were great, and I just love this organization. So all of you Young and Cancerous.. Get a clicking http://imtooyoungforthis.org/ Check it out. They have tons of resources and even some great stuff to rock. I have their 'Bald is the new black' zip up hoodie- and In the goodie bag I got a 'Cancer Sucks!' sticker... That totally went on my car.

So again, THANK YOU i[2] Y!!!!
-Megan

Cancer here.. Cancer there.. Cancer Cancer, Everywhere!

2008-09-14T23:51:00.000-04:00

Oh. What Dr. Suess Would have said about cancer:

Cancer here.. Cancer there.. Cancer Cancer, Everywhere!!

That is really all that enters my mind - when I started educating myself on things that can cause or have been linked to cancer. Let's face it: everything. Im no medical doctor, I have had little to no college- But I've had cancer. That should count for a certain amount of knowledge on the subject. Even if I was a complete nimrod I would know that if I continued to live the same life that I was leading before cancer ie: diet, excercise, lifestyle, occupation, stress etc. etc. That I would 'contract' cancer again. You don't think so? Then do not read the rest of this. You are a complete idiot if you think that cancer has nothing to do with all of those things. Of course I believe genes have something to do with it- but not everything.

Nutrition for one thing. What are we eating as a soceity? We have been brainwashed into paying more for 'organic' foods. Up until about 30 years ago - Organic was just.. Natural. Everything used to be grown naturally. Now you're dealing with herbicides, pesticides, preservatives, hormones, antibiotics, & steroids. To make an extra buck- Companies have been putting pure poison into your food. To get more from their production- or to keep them on the shelves longer. And for the chemicals used - even the ones that have been banned by the USDA - We import fruits, veggies and all kinds of other nonsense from other countries that do not have any regulations for these chemicals. We are eating poison daily. You don't believe me- thats ok.

Bon Apetite.

Population control at its best.

Onto WATER. Do you buy bottled or drink tap? What is better for you? What do you think? We are told here on Long Island that our water supply is the best in the nation. Then why does it smell like Chlorine? The smell fades after turning on my little handy brita filter- But WTF?! Don't lie to me. Another industry created from something that should be free. Filter companies, water companies, etc. Just out for that extra buck! They flush water with hundreds.. yes, hundreds!! of chemicals to 'clean it' - And just so you know.. Unless you're drinking steam distilled (which can STILL have chemicals in it) your poland spring water sucks. You just were duped into paying 2.49 a bottle for the same 'Public Water Source' you use to brush your teeth. Most water companies list their water supply as a 'Natural Spring Water' aka You're an Idiot!!

1965-1982 Over 4 million distinct chemical compounds formulated.

At least 250,000 new formulations created annually SINCE THEN!

Approximately 3,000 chemicals are added to our foods

700 Have been found in our drinking water

400 Have been identified in human tissue

(Because they are synthetically made - They can change your DNA)

Over 500 can be found under kitchen sinks or laundry rooms

Over 800 neurotoxic chemical compounds are used in the cosmetic and perfume industries!

*A neurotoxin is a toxin that acts specifically on nerve cells. Toxins ingested through the enviroment are described as exogenous. They can include gases ( ie: carbon monoxide), liquids (ie: mercury), and a endless list of solids. When exogenous toxins are ingested, the effect on neurons is largely dependent on dosage. Which is why FDA regulations are very leinent because it has to be 'in moderation.'

DEA - aka Diethanolamine

Is an ingredient put in soaps, shampoos, and over 600 household cleaning and personal care items!! It is just one of 125 ingredients added to our homecare products that have been known to be 'carcinogenic' aka cancer causing!!

Propylene Glycol also known as: 'propanediol'

is one of the main ingredients in ANTI FREEZE and is among the many ingredients in our shampoos, beauty products, and even some dog foods. It helps retain moisture- and keeps things from drying out. Which is why it is added to beauty products to keep your skin feeling soft and smooth and to dog food to keep it from going stale. WTF?! You dont hear about things like this on the evening news because the FDA is working on 'softer restrictions' which would mean less information on your product. (No to little ingredients listed)

Are you feeling violated yet? Good. 20 years after the surgeon generals warning and people still smoke. So Im assuming this issue wont be much different. There are no tests being done on how these chemicals effect our bodies (in the long run) But cmon.. Add this crap to you daily scarf down of chocolate fat cakes from stop and shop- a quick stop at the local fried fat fast food joint and drink it all down with high frustose corn syruppy aspartamed red #40!!!! Then add severe stress, no excercise, masking all of your bodies red flagged warnings with xanax, pain pills, and even ambien- and you've got yourself a very unhealthy bod.

Cancer rates are climbing and nothing is changing. Forget 'Cancer Awarness'

You need to be AWARE of how to PREVENT CANCER by educating yourself!

Pick up 'Intergrative Nutrition' By: Joshua Rosenthal

There are tons of other great nutrition books I will be bringing up in future posts

But this is one of my favorite.

Educate yourself by starting here:

http://preventcancer.com

To those who fell 9.11.01

2008-09-11T17:31:00.000-04:00

I will never forget 9.11.01- I was sitting in French class when there was an annoucement over my high schools intercom asking the teachers to tune to channel 4 on the tvs in each classroom. I sat and watched the first tower burning and saw the second plane hit the second tower. A half an hour later both buildings were coming down. They both collasped as if they were being demolished. Most of the students asked for passes to the general office to get a phone to call home and make sure their relatives were alright. I just cried. I called home and made sure my uncle was alright- because he worked right down the block in the nypd building. They let us go from school early- and I just went home and cried. Most of us in New York know someone who was taken on that day. Whether directly or indirectly.

And WE WILL NEVER FORGET THEM!!!!

PORTS

2008-09-11T02:08:00.001-04:00

You're not sailing off of this port.

I don't know about you but I remember having larger veins. The doctor said that the disease can actually take a toll on your veins and cause them to shrink. When they do, it becomes harder and harder for the doctors and nurses to access them. Inevitably making the experience harder for you and sometimes more painful.

Who wants that? Not me. Thank you very much.

This whole experience was starting to become a bit overwhelming by the time my cancer doctor sat me down and talked to me about 'Installing a Port' I wasn't to keen on his language- But ended up getting sold on the whole idea.

Without all of the 'medical language'

Let me break it down for ya:

Ports sometimes called portacaths or subcutaneous ports are often used when treating cancer patients. They cut your treatment time, in most cases, in half. I would arrive and be finished with chemotherapy treatment in a little under 2 hours. Others would be stuck in that horrible hospital anywhere from 3-7 hours!!! If you're not sold yet- Just by the treatment time- Your doctor will also explain that your chance of 'complications' with chemotherapy will be decreased. This means- Less chance for an infection or god knows what else to go wrong in your veins to make it unaccessible and they would only have to 'install' one anyway.

The procedure is usually Out Patient Surgery. A wonderful thing- I have talked about before. You go in for your surgery, and leave the very same day. I went into the hospital and checked in. Soon the nurse was calling my name to leave my mother and get changed into my hospital gown and little booties. It is always freezing in a hospital (because there is less chance for bacteria) So even with the booties I grabbed 2 hospital blankets and tucked myself in for my nap. They asked me to count back from 10 and I do not even remember saying 10. I only remember being annoyingly woken up from my perfect slumber to hear monitors and my doctor telling me everything went great. Usually you see a plastic surgeon with this type of 'installment' because of scarring. But don't worry about the scarring when its being installed. Its going to have to come out again anyways.

The surgeon writes out a prescription for pain medication & antibiotics and dissapears forever. Well until your checkup appointment he schedules (just to make sure to wound is healing well and there is no infection) I was in pain and the nurse gave me a perkecet. Only to tell me once I swallowed it that I couldn't leave the hospital for another 45 minutes to monitor my reaction to the pain medication. Word from the wise: Deal with the pain and take medication at home.

Once home I couldn't shower for about 3 days. I took baths being very careful not to get the dressings wet. And I cleaned the stiches daily. But I forgot to take the last 2 days of antibiotics and got an infection. My port itself wasn't infected (which can happen so once you get yours make sure you get it flushed every 4-6 weeks once you're out of treatment) My stitches were infected. I went to my cancer doctor and he prescribed me another round of antibiotics. One week later and I was set. My scar was bigger now from having been infected- But it was coming out again. So don't get worried. When removing the plastic surgeon will always try the best he can to minimalize any scarring.

The port itself looks like a thick quarter. Mine was placed on my chest right above my left boob. I wondered why I had bandages on my neck as well and once it was all healed I felt around and realized the port was connected to a major artery in the neck. The only thing you can feel is the small little tube is you push around your neck and look for it. Dont worry: You cant actually feel it in your throat. You hardly know its there at all. Unless you're bored and have a bit of free time on your hands to poke around your chest and neck surveying the land.

Once healed I was all ready to begin my chemotherapy treatment.

When they first accessed it I was so nervous thinking about how my body was going to handle the chemo I wasn't even thinking of how the port felt. All I remember is that it feels like a mean little pinch and then thats it. Sometimes when you receive chemotherapy through your arms- some people have tingling or burning sensations while on their drips. But none of that for the PORT LOVERS!! One part of this horrible experience I can forgo. Whoo Hoo!

I get by, with a little help from my friends

2008-09-10T12:20:00.000-04:00

Well hello there. I haven't really been around to write an entry because I had my birthday camping trip. It was my first time outdoors this whole summer. It was frickin' amazing to be doing things again. The only problem is it rained almost the whole weekend. But We didn't care. We laughed and joked, drank and danced our way through left over Gustav! I did notice that my energy level is no where - where it used to be. I had to take a nap almost after anything a little bit exerting. But I was just so darn glad to be doing something that took my mind off of everything. And as for my birthday, If you read 'my story' you would know that on my last birthday I was starting to get really sick and show symptoms. So this year is already starting out much better. I'm traveling and enjoying my friends company alot more than I have ever did before. I really think through everything I went through- alot of my relationships got stronger- while others faded away. I found out who my real friends were- And this blog post is a toast to them.

Half of your battle.. is having a great support system. At least that is what I believe. I don't know what I would have done without the amazing friends and family I have. Now don't get me wrong- Everyone's family isnt perfect. I used to have a HUGE family. Bigger than big. My mom is one of eight children. And I am one of twelve cousins. My mom talks to four of her brothers and Im really only in contact with two cousins. I wish I could tell you why, but I have no idea. But with alot of the families I've met- I've heard similar stories. So, my point is, that sometimes your friends become your backbone. And take the place of your family. And boy, have mine.

I just wanted to say thank you.

Thank you Robby- For sticking by me, helping me, taking care of me - I love you and can't wait to marry you some day (when we can afford it =)

Jacqueline- I never would have thought I would love you and be as close with you as we are today. You came over almost everyday it felt like. (and your family for their support as well) From your dad's haircut- to your mom's sunday sauce and food deliveries while I couldn't cook.

Justoneay- My MAC daddy. And my Monkey! For cutting your hair with me... there are no words. But I love you.

Vanessa- For visiting me with Wasabi food and farting in my living room when I was nausea. You always came over, when you could, and made me laugh. For your oil rub downs, and Ningxia Drinks. Your Veggie burgers, and natural cooking-- I contribute what you're teaching me - to me healing faster. I love you, my dear. Stardust Earthchild!!!

Joanna- For coming over whenever you were on Long Island and sitting on my couch with me doing absolutely nothing but keeping me company when I felt horrible!! For your 'cousins stuff' and our trips to Taco Bell. I love you too.

Todd- You know I love you. I know you're always there even though you're never here lol

Im lucky to have all of you.

<3>

My Ode To Alanis.

2008-09-02T10:01:00.000-04:00

I am a huge fan of Alanis Morissette.

HUGE.

I have always caught myself turning to her lyrics for a bit of clarity or refuge. Well.. during baldness I found one that particularly fit. Everything she mentioned in the song I was going through at the time. Financial trouble, relationship strain etc. SO I needed to share.

'That I Would Be Good'
By: Alanis Morissette

That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
That I would be fine even even if I went bankrupt

That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great if I was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing
That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good
Whether with or without you

You can click -PLAY- to hear it.

FMLA FIASCO

2008-09-01T02:24:00.000-04:00

Ah. The things I wish I knew when I first got diagnosed. I hear wonderful stories from other patients at different centers about how the social worker at their hospital explained everything to them. Even handled alot of their paperwork with their health insurance companies, human resources department of their job, and claiming Social Security Disability. Well noone told me what to do. I even got in contact with my HR Dept of "_the company whom I will not name_" and thought I had everything covered....... Until I received a phonecall from my benefits manager telling me I was being "let go" in 2 weeks if I could not return to work. That I had exceeded the 6 months of short term disability and needed a clean bill of health in order to return to my job. She told me to call her when I had a decision. Hmmm. Well I wasn't going to be able to return to work being that I had just finished chemotherapy treatments and had a horrible chest infection and I was dehydrated. I was starting radiation the next month. What the hell happened? Im losing my job.. because I have cancer.. WHAT?!

After hanging up with the HR lady I quickly got ahold of all of the paperwork I had signed 6 months prior. I had filed for short-term disability and FMLA (Family Medical Leave of Absence) with my job. I was approved for both. Short term disability stated a 6 month leave and FMLA stated they couldn't exceed 12 weeks.. So let me do the math = 9 months. It has only been 6 months.. What is going on? I started to choke up and feel faint. I called the social worker at the hospital and she told me that both FMLA and Short-term Disability could run concurrently. Great. I'm being let go of my job because chemo took me 9 months instead of 6. Fabulous. As I mentioned in "My Story" in the 'Let's start off' blog.. I was sick all the year before and used up all of my sick time before I was even diagnosed. I had to take this FMLA leave just to go and see the doctor. So it had started right from the beginning. So now- while I was sick from my last chemotherapy treatment - I was dealing with the news of the stop of short term disability money and my health insurance. I was told I could elect a cobra for 435$ a month. Ha. Not going to happen. Feeling faint again. I quickly called my mother and she told me to immediately go to the Social Services Department and apply for Medicaid and foodstamps. Ok check. And then she said to call my doctor and have him figure out when I would be able to return to work So I could know whether or not to apply for Social Security Disability.

With sharing that quick overview into my financial fiasco in the middle of treatments, I want to make sure everyone knows the basics of the FMLA from the US Department of Labor website.

Which can be found here: http://www.dol.gov/esa/regs/compliance/posters/fmlaen.pdf

To most of you - This probably is common sense- I probably sound like an idiot.. But to a 21 year old I had NO CLUE what I was doing. I had alot to deal with and the last thing I thought was possible was to get fired from cancer. I figured short term disability would kick into long term If I wasn't finished with treatment. (Shows you how much I knew then but now I know better) I never elected Long term Disability coverage- and boy did I learn from that one.

I just never want anyone to go through what I am going through now.. financially.

We have enough to worry about.. while KICKING CANCERS ASS!!!

Email me ideas for blogs, your experiences, stories, news anything!

YoungandCancerous@yahoo.com

=) til' next time.

-Megan

My Love Letter To My X Lover - CANCER.

2008-08-30T12:58:00.000-04:00

Dear Cancer,

Thank You.

Thank you for showing me who my true friends are. Thank you for letting me appreciate my family more. Thank you for showing me how to fall in love with my body. I have never felt so strong and respected my body more in my entire life. Thank you for shuffling the deck and dealing me a different hand. I'll admidt I didn't know who I was before you, and I still do not fully understand my potential.. But with you I changed- The person I was before you died.. and I love the person you've made me start to become. Sometimes I wish I never would have had you in my life- But then where would we be? I want to take what we've had together and remember it for the rest of my life. As much as you have changed my life for the better- Dont you ever come back. I never want you in my life again.. I dont want to see you around my friends, or my family. I dont want you to come back and say you've changed. You will never change. You will always try and tear me down. And I just don't need that in my life. Not now.. and not ever again.

Goodbye Cancer.

Love, Megan

AMERICAN CANCER SOCEITY!!

2008-08-29T11:44:00.002-04:00

Please click and read:
http://www.corporations.org/cancer/boycottacs.html

A friend told me about this article published online by PreventCancer.com
It is definately something I think all of us should be educated on.

This was written in 1998. It was published - But you never hear of this kind of story on the 5 o'clock news. Instead you get to listen to sports news and the Governor's sex life.

Almost 1 million people will die from cancer this year.

This means cancer will reach millions maybe even billions of people a year. By either a friend or family member. These people will get inspired, will want to run, walk, jump, tri-atholon, bake sale, book sale, jewelry sale themselves into raising money for organizations. And I think we should know where that money is going.

Baldness.

2008-08-28T18:52:00.000-04:00

I wanted to share a couple of photos I have of being bald. I was bald alot. I loathe fake hair. While going through chemotherapy it was still winter so I stayed in the house alot. My friends wore the wig more than I did =)

I thought my friend looked like a blonde jesus in this picture.

I hated the wig. Did I mention that? It was itchy and uncomfortable. Mainly because I had gotten ripped off buying it. Stupid me waited to get the wig until after my second round of chemotherapy. I was tired, feeling sick already, and my hair was falling out in the store. I was pushing back tears and the manager took advantage of me and sold me a piece of crap for over 400 bucks!! I just wasn't thinking. There was so much going on - I left everything for the last minute. So with all of that - I rocked the baldness, instead. I would highly advise falling in love with your facial features and trying the same.

One of my friends even shaved off his hair.. When I lost mine.

Before

After

Now I know there are places you have to wear the wig. I tried to avoid wearing it as much as possible. But for my best friends birthday, this may, I went out for the first time rocking the synthetics.

Other than that I really got used to being bald. And on top of that.. My friends got used to seeing me bald. So when I started getting out of the house more I took a few more 'bald pics'

It was amazing to me that there was a unspoken taboo about women being bald. You always see men walking around completely bald and nothing. But I go out bald and people start to act funny. My friends and I would count the stares or faces people would make. Like I was ruining their day, or I was the entertainment. I couldn't believe some peoples reactions and manners. I guess in their mind they think: BALDNESS = CANCER = DEATH. They would assume I was dieing and didn't know how to react. So they would either stare or look down and walk away. Didn't want me to catch them staring! But it was worse when I caught them trying superhard to ignore my bald elephant in the room. Im sure some of you have encountered this. What is the right way to react? I know staring and people looking down made me feel uncomfortable- but then again, so did the wig. So what do you do? A question I asked myself ALL OF THE TIME. There was no answer. So what is the better reaction then? I guess no reaction at all, would be nice? It shouldnt be so unheard of. Us chicks just ROCKING THE BALDNESS!!! How can we change that? I mean - There is even a disease called: Alopecia. This is a disease of spotting baldness in both males and females. It occurs in 1-2% of humans and 90% of those who have the disease have their hair grow back. But 10% of those who have it- It never does. And yet these people are also made to feel they have to wear a wig.. FOR THEIR WHOLE LIVES?!? No Way! Ladies.. One day when you're feeling good - Get dressed up, put some makeup on, toss the wig in bathtub and go out without it. Go out with a loved one or good friend- Because again, people will stare. It will make you want to go home and stay home!! But go out and do it anyways!!!!

Health and Love Always,
Megan =)

Let's start off.

2008-08-28T10:49:00.000-04:00

Hi there. My name is Megan. I am a 21 year old cancer survivor. I caught it somwhere in 2007 but I was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma in November 07. I battled it for about 8 months and recently won. There are more of us out there. Thanks to modern medicine and a more positive attitude towards the damn disease. I did not create this blog knowing that this was the new trend. I've kind of just picked up on that. But it should be. Cancer sucks.. It could possibly be one of the hardest things to get through.. But you get through. You come out stronger than you have ever been- and Sometimes you need to hear or read other stories for comfort. Maybe even for strength to go on.. whatever it is- I want to form an alliance of young and cancerous adults to make a change. I was recently schooled on the statistics of 'contracting cancer.' Every 1 in 2 women and 1 in 3 men will get cancer. That is absolutely ridiculous and we shouldnt stand for it any longer. Processes need to change. There has to be more research, more funding for research and more education on cancer PREVENTION! If you haven't realized it by now but almost everything causes cancer. So why isn't anything changing?

I want to share with you a bit of my story.. Hoping it will get some of you who stumble across this blog to send me your stories. It is important that we bridge the gap of having a 'cancer forum' of reactions, side effects, emotional issues.. I want it all. I know that there are tons of types of cancer. I was told my cancer was "easy to treat" - But it did not feel easy to me. I also know that there are people who are not able to "blog about it" afterwards. And those are the people Im sitting here for. So please email me at:
YoungandCancerous@yahoo.com

Now a little bit about my story..

Let's start with my 21st birthday. I was sick that weekend with what I thought was a cold or flu. I overdosed on vitamin C and headed out to celebrate. Later that week I was really starting to feel crummy. I was getting sick alot that year. I had just found a job (which I won't name bc I don't want to get sued) that I absolutely loved.. and I was calling in all of the time. Colds, flus.. or what I thought were colds and flus. I had quickly run out of sick time. Then after my birthday I started to notice a swollen gland on the right side of my neck. I figured it to be an infection and put off seeing a doctor until I could get off. I had shown my supervisor, at the time, my swollen neck and he told me about F.M.L.A. It is a health leave for employees over a year with the company that you can take for a list of reasons. On this list they had everything from IBS to depression. So I knew I had to wait until my year anniversary with "__the company whom I will not name__" to go see my doctor. I figured if it had gotten bad I would just go to the emergency room. But nothing changed. I thought I had felt fine. So come November I go to see an MD at a local clinic. He immediately reads off a very short list of reasons why I would have a 3 month old swollen lymph gland. I heard Lymphoma. That's all I remember coming out of his mouth. The same day he sent me to an ENT specialist. (Ear Nose and Throat doctor) We will call him ENT#1. ENT#1 sent me for a head and neck Xray the next morning. After the Xray I was in the dressing room getting back into my jeans and shirt when a nurse runs in and asks me if I could get back into my gown. She explains that my Xray came out a little cloudy and ENT#1 had asked them to do an MRI. I had an idea that something had to be wrong but I tried to remain positive. The next couple days I don't remember. I just remember the phonecall from the doc. Now what Im about to share with you will be in a future post. But my story wouldn't make sense without it. ENT#1 said:

(HIS EXACT WORDS) "Honey Im looking at your tests and I just don't like what Im seeing."

My first reaction: WHAT THE F***?!?!?!
(in my mind of course.. Im a lady!)

Who says that? What kind of doctor starts off bad news with a phrase like that? I knew what was coming. Believe me, he got his point across- but damn. There is a little thing called 'Bedside Manner' and this dude just did not have it. I was so frustrated with his attitude the bad news wasn't really sinking in until he said 'Non Hodgkins Lymphoma' I shut down immediately. It is amazing how your body will turn off when it needs to. A kind of protection I didn't know I needed at the moment. While I was off in wonderland for the next couple of seconds- the doctor had gotten a couple of choice words from my mother. He was on speakerphone the entire time and my mom is a well seasoned nurse. She knew there was no possible way he could know whether I had Hodgkins or Non Hodgkins Lymphoma without a biopsy- So she didn't think it was right of him to diagnose me like that. Well he obviously had a busy day because he then gave my mother a number for another ENT for a second opninion and hung up the phone. Mmmm Hmmm. He hung up the phone. Bye Bye ENT#1. Hello ENT#2!! This doctor was amazing! I guess I encountered Mr. Evil ENT#1 just to meet this one. I believe everything happens for a reason. But anyways, he was polite, patient and took his time explaining everything to my mother and I. He did a needle biopsy in his office and a couple more blood tests and sent me home a little more comforted.

Waiting for the intial results.. a cancer 'Yeh' or 'Neh' if you will- was agonizing. I was emotional and positive all at the same time. When the doctor finally called he asked if I wanted to come in to hear the results and I told him just to tell me over the phone. (But at least he asked) He went on to tell me Hodgkins Lymphoma and how it was a "great kind of cancer to get if you're going to get cancer" AH.. The things some doctors will say to try and comfort you..

He referred me to an oncologist (cancer doctor). Now this guy is worth writing about. He reminded me of a nutty professor. He spoke quickly and with an accent. I can't place where he's from but it was almost german-ish. He had glasses and fuzzy grayish hair popping off of his head. His shirt was always untucked and he ran around his office like a chicken without a head. But he was smart, super-cautious, and had an excellent track record with head and neck cancers. So I was sold. My mom laughed when she met him. She didn't believe my description I guess. You know us youths today- always over exaggerating. =)

I cried alot the first couple days. It was sporatic and wouldn't last very long. I would break down. realize I was breaking down and stop myself. It was alot to take in. I am 21 and I have to go through chemotherapy and radiation for a disease that can kill me. And on top of that I was faced with more wonderful news. Being that my cancer docter was very cautious he wanted me to see a fertility doctor about harvesting eggs. He explained to me that I did have a chance after treatment of not being able to conceive and have a baby. This I'm sure everyone has been told that has gone through treatments.

Now guys- when you freeze your swimmers you have a great chance of being able to conceive in the future. But as for eggs- The fertility specialists explained to me that there was a 10% chance of a baby with each egg. But if they had an embryo (swimmer + egg = embyro = frozen baby) I would have a 30% chance of conceiving with each embryo. And they would usually try with two embryos to increase your chance to 60%. So to sum up : In two weeks time I was told I had cancer and my boyfriend of 3 years and I had to decide whether we wanted to have children. Basically--A bit much to take in. But my boyfriend is amazing. He signed away his dna for me in a heartbeat and I was onto hormone self injections. I want to get more in detail about this treatments but I will leave it for another post. I want to gather others experiences as well.

So i was onto 'The Pre Tests' Among all of the bloodwork, MRIs, Xrays, Biopsys etc. I had to do heart scans, and a bone marrow test. The MRIs are not that bad if you can relax. The heart scan was interesting. You can actually see your heart pumping. It was quite entertaining. But as for the Bone Marrow test.. YIKES. Ok- it hurts. But not in the way you would think it hurts. My cancer doctor had me on 2 perkecets, 1 xanax and actually double dosed the numbing shots they put around the area and into the spine. The intial needle- and I was ok. But sometimes if you have strong bones =) they have to rub or shake or whatever he was doing back there. Well- thats what hurt. I wasnt in crying or in screaming pain.. It was just a quiet little "muthafucker" out of my mouth and then he was done. My cancer doctors assistant was hysterical. She looks and sounds like Wyanda Sykes- So I was being distracted, loopy from drugs, and trying not to think about it. I would suggest to do the same.

Biopsy #2 was a surgical procedure. 'Out Patient Surgery' is when you have whatever you're getting done- and get to go home. It was like a little surgical factory. They had a locker room where you put your stuff down and got into your gown and booties. You then enter a room with a bunch of beds in a row with curtains seperating them. The nurses take your blood pressure, temperature etc etc. And you're hooked up to an IV drip. You see your doctor, are taken into the surgery room and night night. Thats it. A piece of cake. I did this twice. Once for the second biopsy and again for the installation of the port.

GET A PORT! If you have the option which most of you will or have. They will check your veins and let you know whether you would need one or not. But I would suggest asking for one anyways. They cut your treatment time in half!!!

Well- I believe Im just writing away- So Im going to cut myself off.

I will get more into details in future posts. But I really want to hear from you. Please email me at YOUNGANDCANCEROUS@YAHOO.COM

Thank you for reading- and I hope you can check back often.

Stay Strong. -Megan