Chemo Memories

I went to the doctor the other day and I was amazed at my reaction to my return. I had to have my port flushed and blood tests. All my chemo memories came flooding back...

My doctors office is split into two sections. When you walk in the door you see the waiting room and the front desk on your right hand side. The ladies behind it always seem so busy, and the people in the waiting room have convinced me that I am the youngest patient there. Then there is a little hallway to your left that you have to walk through if you have treatment. Another desk, and more busy women behind it. You have to sign in and go find a seat in the 8 chairs they have in a horseshoe. All recliner hospital chairs. When I was going through treatment I would always try and pick a chair where I could get a view of the little tiny tv they had up in the left corner of the room. It always made me laugh how they always had a cooking channel on. For those of you who are reading this and have never gone through chemotherapy - You still know chemo = nausea. And they had food.. on the tv.. hmmmmm.. That always made me laugh. I would sit down and immediately giggle a bit and quickly signal my mom to change the channel.




I sat down for these tests and immediately remembered the feelings of treatments. The anxiety of knowing what was coming when you sat down. You knew that the next couple days were just going to be horrible. I would try to have conversations with my mom or the nurses about something completely irrelevant to keep my mind occupied on other 'lighter' subjects. The smell. Even just the smell got me nausea. The plastics of their gloves, the iv bags, the tubes and the syringes. I smelt it all. The real winner was the smell of the iodine. UH! I will never use that in my first aid kits again.




The sounds brought back memories from that deep dark place you shove it into when chemo is finished. I heard the nurses explaining to the chemo 'newbies' the side effects, the red flags- the 'beginners speech' they give to all of the starters. I felt graduated and happy I didn't have to sit through treatment again.




I was definately the youngest there. It sucked being the youngest. I almost wanted to take a stroll through the pediatric oncology center to make myself feel better. Feeling like the youngest can bring on those 'self pity' feelings and thoughts- So do anything and everything you can to know YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE YOUR AGE GOING THROUGH THIS!!




Alright- what Im about to explain - I have to make a special note that EVERYONE REACTS DIFFERENT to chemo. Some people get sick right away, some people it takes 1 day.. 2 days.. Some people don't even get sick at all. All you need to know is that the horror stories from 10 years ago- the medicines have changed. Even 3-5 years ago- You are still going to have a much different experience than anyone that has come before you. So it is important to talk with people IN treatment as well as OUT of treatment. Do not think you are going to get sick.. because.. THEN YOU WILL.




So after all of the sights and smells already turning my stomach- It was time for the actual treatment. A quick swallow of my EMEND. (My anti Nausea meds which worked wonders) Now onto my chemo.. A B V D.. Haunting letters to me now. I don't remember what order they went in- but I had 4 different kinds of chemotherapy. Three of them were shot through the port by a syringe. All I remember is I tasted it. I had to hold my breath or I was going to lose it. One was pink and tasted like metal- The other two were clear and felt warm and a little burney when they went through the tube from the port into my artery. I felt that. No pain. Done- Not that bad. But then I had to sit on a drip of the 4th and final chemo drug. Didn't feel or taste it. It took about an hour to get through the bag. By the end of that hour I was tired, almost hungover. A little dizzy- but I just wanted to get home. They had to close everything up. But first they had to shoot the port with heparin. Which was a blood thinner and prevented your port from getting clogged up with clots. Which was another complication I wanted to forgo.


Heparin I tasted too. Yuck. Now onto the Neulasta shot. Neulasta is a wonderful drug they have. It costs a ridiculous amount for your insurance company- but most doctors will put you on it anyway. (if you have treatment once every 2 weeks like I did) The shot actually helps your white blood cells. So you can continue treatment. The doctor will not treat you if you have a low white cell count. So again, another complication with treatment I can forgo. Alot of people can get sick, pneumonia, flu, coughs, infections- really anything. Your immune system is ravaged by chemo- your body has a really hard time performing other jobs. Neulasta is just a little help for your bod- but it burns like hell. It has to be refrigerated. SO word to the wise- Ask them to take it out of the refridgerator when you first get to treatment. I found that if its cold- When they shoot it in your arm it burns and continues to burn for several minutes. When it becomes room temperature- there is no pain.


That one last shot- singled my end of treatment and I was able to go home. Then it was the next couple of days that really surprised me. But I will talk about that in a future post.


Until next time, stay strong, healthy and most of all HAPPY!!
-Megan