Beetlejuice! aka quick DMV story

Today I had to go to the DMV to renew my drivers license. Well- It was actually pretty painless. However, everytime I am at the dmv I think of the ending scene from Beetlejuice. I was cracking up in my head as I was patiently waiting for my number to ring on their little black screen. It actually makes the same little *ding* as in the movie too!! I found the scene I thought of today- And I hope you watch it and everytime you're at that horrible place- You laugh.





I only found this important to mention because I realized as I took my new license picture- That for the next 4 years.. I will have my super short- post cancerous do. Once I receive my photo id I will be sure to add the picture up here- But it made me so excited for some reason. I don't know whether it is the fact that I will be reminded of my journey for the next couple years- hopefully motivating me, or just that I find my super short hair and my new growing fondness for my big ears intrigueing. It was a pretty cool moment of clarity.

Until next time- stay strong!!!

-Megan

Chemo Memories

I went to the doctor the other day and I was amazed at my reaction to my return. I had to have my port flushed and blood tests. All my chemo memories came flooding back...

My doctors office is split into two sections. When you walk in the door you see the waiting room and the front desk on your right hand side. The ladies behind it always seem so busy, and the people in the waiting room have convinced me that I am the youngest patient there. Then there is a little hallway to your left that you have to walk through if you have treatment. Another desk, and more busy women behind it. You have to sign in and go find a seat in the 8 chairs they have in a horseshoe. All recliner hospital chairs. When I was going through treatment I would always try and pick a chair where I could get a view of the little tiny tv they had up in the left corner of the room. It always made me laugh how they always had a cooking channel on. For those of you who are reading this and have never gone through chemotherapy - You still know chemo = nausea. And they had food.. on the tv.. hmmmmm.. That always made me laugh. I would sit down and immediately giggle a bit and quickly signal my mom to change the channel.




I sat down for these tests and immediately remembered the feelings of treatments. The anxiety of knowing what was coming when you sat down. You knew that the next couple days were just going to be horrible. I would try to have conversations with my mom or the nurses about something completely irrelevant to keep my mind occupied on other 'lighter' subjects. The smell. Even just the smell got me nausea. The plastics of their gloves, the iv bags, the tubes and the syringes. I smelt it all. The real winner was the smell of the iodine. UH! I will never use that in my first aid kits again.




The sounds brought back memories from that deep dark place you shove it into when chemo is finished. I heard the nurses explaining to the chemo 'newbies' the side effects, the red flags- the 'beginners speech' they give to all of the starters. I felt graduated and happy I didn't have to sit through treatment again.




I was definately the youngest there. It sucked being the youngest. I almost wanted to take a stroll through the pediatric oncology center to make myself feel better. Feeling like the youngest can bring on those 'self pity' feelings and thoughts- So do anything and everything you can to know YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE YOUR AGE GOING THROUGH THIS!!




Alright- what Im about to explain - I have to make a special note that EVERYONE REACTS DIFFERENT to chemo. Some people get sick right away, some people it takes 1 day.. 2 days.. Some people don't even get sick at all. All you need to know is that the horror stories from 10 years ago- the medicines have changed. Even 3-5 years ago- You are still going to have a much different experience than anyone that has come before you. So it is important to talk with people IN treatment as well as OUT of treatment. Do not think you are going to get sick.. because.. THEN YOU WILL.




So after all of the sights and smells already turning my stomach- It was time for the actual treatment. A quick swallow of my EMEND. (My anti Nausea meds which worked wonders) Now onto my chemo.. A B V D.. Haunting letters to me now. I don't remember what order they went in- but I had 4 different kinds of chemotherapy. Three of them were shot through the port by a syringe. All I remember is I tasted it. I had to hold my breath or I was going to lose it. One was pink and tasted like metal- The other two were clear and felt warm and a little burney when they went through the tube from the port into my artery. I felt that. No pain. Done- Not that bad. But then I had to sit on a drip of the 4th and final chemo drug. Didn't feel or taste it. It took about an hour to get through the bag. By the end of that hour I was tired, almost hungover. A little dizzy- but I just wanted to get home. They had to close everything up. But first they had to shoot the port with heparin. Which was a blood thinner and prevented your port from getting clogged up with clots. Which was another complication I wanted to forgo.


Heparin I tasted too. Yuck. Now onto the Neulasta shot. Neulasta is a wonderful drug they have. It costs a ridiculous amount for your insurance company- but most doctors will put you on it anyway. (if you have treatment once every 2 weeks like I did) The shot actually helps your white blood cells. So you can continue treatment. The doctor will not treat you if you have a low white cell count. So again, another complication with treatment I can forgo. Alot of people can get sick, pneumonia, flu, coughs, infections- really anything. Your immune system is ravaged by chemo- your body has a really hard time performing other jobs. Neulasta is just a little help for your bod- but it burns like hell. It has to be refrigerated. SO word to the wise- Ask them to take it out of the refridgerator when you first get to treatment. I found that if its cold- When they shoot it in your arm it burns and continues to burn for several minutes. When it becomes room temperature- there is no pain.


That one last shot- singled my end of treatment and I was able to go home. Then it was the next couple of days that really surprised me. But I will talk about that in a future post.


Until next time, stay strong, healthy and most of all HAPPY!!
-Megan

THE STUPID CANCER COMEDY SHOW!

I wanted to write a quick 'Thank You' to the people at 'ImTooYoungForThis.org'

I was able to attend this awesome show hosted by I [2] y! And really had the best night I've had in months. The show was funny as hell, it was open bar- and I got the tickets for free?! How can I thank you guys enough. I finally met my facebook fellow lymphoma buddy Jack Bouffard, who is a regional chair now for the i [2] y organization. And if you're reading this.. it was a pleasure! Im only sad I wasn't able to talk for awhile- It was on the way out while we were being handed 'goody bags' which were a super plus. So, I just wanted to share some photos from that night.

First my friend Justin and I started out in Litty Italy for the San Genarro festival- Which was so much fun. We sat down and were able to fully enjoy some of NY's best pasta. I had chicken cacciatori while Justin scarfed down some chicken a la joey. It was delissssh. Then immediately after pummeling our bellies with pasta and chicken we stuffed our faces with zeppolis. UGH! I felt like such a kid biting into this hot mess with powdered sugar falling everywhere. Then we quickly hit another stand stocking my bag with candy apples and chocolate strawberries and started walking to the subway. We catch the first train headed uptown while making quiet little prayers that we weren't going to get lost. We come up out of the subway into a lovely healthcare rally/strike some company was having on some street and 14th. All we know is we have walking to do- so we book for GOTHAM COMEDY CLUB!

YAYYY! After walking like I haven't walked in MONTHS!! We finally arrive at the Im Too Young For This Stupid Cancer Comedy Show!!! I was so excited. We get in and sure enough- We are parked rght in front of the mic. Who can complain though? The tickets were free. I received an email- from i [2] y's presidente Matthew Zachary asking if I wanted to go thanks to their angel program.. so WHOO HOO! Thank You to Whoever donated for the event- You possibly sent me there- and I cant thank you enough.



The comedians were great, and I just love this organization. So all of you Young and Cancerous.. Get a clicking http://imtooyoungforthis.org/ Check it out. They have tons of resources and even some great stuff to rock. I have their 'Bald is the new black' zip up hoodie- and In the goodie bag I got a 'Cancer Sucks!' sticker... That totally went on my car.

So again, THANK YOU i[2] Y!!!!
-Megan

Cancer here.. Cancer there.. Cancer Cancer, Everywhere!

Oh. What Dr. Suess Would have said about cancer:

Cancer here.. Cancer there.. Cancer Cancer, Everywhere!!

That is really all that enters my mind - when I started educating myself on things that can cause or have been linked to cancer. Let's face it: everything. Im no medical doctor, I have had little to no college- But I've had cancer. That should count for a certain amount of knowledge on the subject. Even if I was a complete nimrod I would know that if I continued to live the same life that I was leading before cancer ie: diet, excercise, lifestyle, occupation, stress etc. etc. That I would 'contract' cancer again. You don't think so? Then do not read the rest of this. You are a complete idiot if you think that cancer has nothing to do with all of those things. Of course I believe genes have something to do with it- but not everything.

Nutrition for one thing. What are we eating as a soceity? We have been brainwashed into paying more for 'organic' foods. Up until about 30 years ago - Organic was just.. Natural. Everything used to be grown naturally. Now you're dealing with herbicides, pesticides, preservatives, hormones, antibiotics, & steroids. To make an extra buck- Companies have been putting pure poison into your food. To get more from their production- or to keep them on the shelves longer. And for the chemicals used - even the ones that have been banned by the USDA - We import fruits, veggies and all kinds of other nonsense from other countries that do not have any regulations for these chemicals. We are eating poison daily. You don't believe me- thats ok.

Bon Apetite.

Population control at its best.

Onto WATER. Do you buy bottled or drink tap? What is better for you? What do you think? We are told here on Long Island that our water supply is the best in the nation. Then why does it smell like Chlorine? The smell fades after turning on my little handy brita filter- But WTF?! Don't lie to me. Another industry created from something that should be free. Filter companies, water companies, etc. Just out for that extra buck! They flush water with hundreds.. yes, hundreds!! of chemicals to 'clean it' - And just so you know.. Unless you're drinking steam distilled (which can STILL have chemicals in it) your poland spring water sucks. You just were duped into paying 2.49 a bottle for the same 'Public Water Source' you use to brush your teeth. Most water companies list their water supply as a 'Natural Spring Water' aka You're an Idiot!!

1965-1982 Over 4 million distinct chemical compounds formulated.

At least 250,000 new formulations created annually SINCE THEN!

Approximately 3,000 chemicals are added to our foods

700 Have been found in our drinking water

400 Have been identified in human tissue

(Because they are synthetically made - They can change your DNA)

Over 500 can be found under kitchen sinks or laundry rooms

Over 800 neurotoxic chemical compounds are used in the cosmetic and perfume industries!

*A neurotoxin is a toxin that acts specifically on nerve cells. Toxins ingested through the enviroment are described as exogenous. They can include gases ( ie: carbon monoxide), liquids (ie: mercury), and a endless list of solids. When exogenous toxins are ingested, the effect on neurons is largely dependent on dosage. Which is why FDA regulations are very leinent because it has to be 'in moderation.'

DEA - aka Diethanolamine

Is an ingredient put in soaps, shampoos, and over 600 household cleaning and personal care items!! It is just one of 125 ingredients added to our homecare products that have been known to be 'carcinogenic' aka cancer causing!!

Propylene Glycol also known as: 'propanediol'

is one of the main ingredients in ANTI FREEZE and is among the many ingredients in our shampoos, beauty products, and even some dog foods. It helps retain moisture- and keeps things from drying out. Which is why it is added to beauty products to keep your skin feeling soft and smooth and to dog food to keep it from going stale. WTF?! You dont hear about things like this on the evening news because the FDA is working on 'softer restrictions' which would mean less information on your product. (No to little ingredients listed)

Are you feeling violated yet? Good. 20 years after the surgeon generals warning and people still smoke. So Im assuming this issue wont be much different. There are no tests being done on how these chemicals effect our bodies (in the long run) But cmon.. Add this crap to you daily scarf down of chocolate fat cakes from stop and shop- a quick stop at the local fried fat fast food joint and drink it all down with high frustose corn syruppy aspartamed red #40!!!! Then add severe stress, no excercise, masking all of your bodies red flagged warnings with xanax, pain pills, and even ambien- and you've got yourself a very unhealthy bod.

Cancer rates are climbing and nothing is changing. Forget 'Cancer Awarness'

You need to be AWARE of how to PREVENT CANCER by educating yourself!

Pick up 'Intergrative Nutrition' By: Joshua Rosenthal

There are tons of other great nutrition books I will be bringing up in future posts

But this is one of my favorite.

Educate yourself by starting here:

http://preventcancer.com

To those who fell 9.11.01

I will never forget 9.11.01- I was sitting in French class when there was an annoucement over my high schools intercom asking the teachers to tune to channel 4 on the tvs in each classroom. I sat and watched the first tower burning and saw the second plane hit the second tower. A half an hour later both buildings were coming down. They both collasped as if they were being demolished. Most of the students asked for passes to the general office to get a phone to call home and make sure their relatives were alright. I just cried. I called home and made sure my uncle was alright- because he worked right down the block in the nypd building. They let us go from school early- and I just went home and cried. Most of us in New York know someone who was taken on that day. Whether directly or indirectly.

And WE WILL NEVER FORGET THEM!!!!

PORTS

You're not sailing off of this port.

I don't know about you but I remember having larger veins. The doctor said that the disease can actually take a toll on your veins and cause them to shrink. When they do, it becomes harder and harder for the doctors and nurses to access them. Inevitably making the experience harder for you and sometimes more painful.

Who wants that? Not me. Thank you very much.

This whole experience was starting to become a bit overwhelming by the time my cancer doctor sat me down and talked to me about 'Installing a Port' I wasn't to keen on his language- But ended up getting sold on the whole idea.

Without all of the 'medical language'

Let me break it down for ya:

Ports sometimes called portacaths or subcutaneous ports are often used when treating cancer patients. They cut your treatment time, in most cases, in half. I would arrive and be finished with chemotherapy treatment in a little under 2 hours. Others would be stuck in that horrible hospital anywhere from 3-7 hours!!! If you're not sold yet- Just by the treatment time- Your doctor will also explain that your chance of 'complications' with chemotherapy will be decreased. This means- Less chance for an infection or god knows what else to go wrong in your veins to make it unaccessible and they would only have to 'install' one anyway.

The procedure is usually Out Patient Surgery. A wonderful thing- I have talked about before. You go in for your surgery, and leave the very same day. I went into the hospital and checked in. Soon the nurse was calling my name to leave my mother and get changed into my hospital gown and little booties. It is always freezing in a hospital (because there is less chance for bacteria) So even with the booties I grabbed 2 hospital blankets and tucked myself in for my nap. They asked me to count back from 10 and I do not even remember saying 10. I only remember being annoyingly woken up from my perfect slumber to hear monitors and my doctor telling me everything went great. Usually you see a plastic surgeon with this type of 'installment' because of scarring. But don't worry about the scarring when its being installed. Its going to have to come out again anyways.

The surgeon writes out a prescription for pain medication & antibiotics and dissapears forever. Well until your checkup appointment he schedules (just to make sure to wound is healing well and there is no infection) I was in pain and the nurse gave me a perkecet. Only to tell me once I swallowed it that I couldn't leave the hospital for another 45 minutes to monitor my reaction to the pain medication. Word from the wise: Deal with the pain and take medication at home.

Once home I couldn't shower for about 3 days. I took baths being very careful not to get the dressings wet. And I cleaned the stiches daily. But I forgot to take the last 2 days of antibiotics and got an infection. My port itself wasn't infected (which can happen so once you get yours make sure you get it flushed every 4-6 weeks once you're out of treatment) My stitches were infected. I went to my cancer doctor and he prescribed me another round of antibiotics. One week later and I was set. My scar was bigger now from having been infected- But it was coming out again. So don't get worried. When removing the plastic surgeon will always try the best he can to minimalize any scarring.

The port itself looks like a thick quarter. Mine was placed on my chest right above my left boob. I wondered why I had bandages on my neck as well and once it was all healed I felt around and realized the port was connected to a major artery in the neck. The only thing you can feel is the small little tube is you push around your neck and look for it. Dont worry: You cant actually feel it in your throat. You hardly know its there at all. Unless you're bored and have a bit of free time on your hands to poke around your chest and neck surveying the land.

Once healed I was all ready to begin my chemotherapy treatment.

When they first accessed it I was so nervous thinking about how my body was going to handle the chemo I wasn't even thinking of how the port felt. All I remember is that it feels like a mean little pinch and then thats it. Sometimes when you receive chemotherapy through your arms- some people have tingling or burning sensations while on their drips. But none of that for the PORT LOVERS!! One part of this horrible experience I can forgo. Whoo Hoo!

I get by, with a little help from my friends

Well hello there. I haven't really been around to write an entry because I had my birthday camping trip. It was my first time outdoors this whole summer. It was frickin' amazing to be doing things again. The only problem is it rained almost the whole weekend. But We didn't care. We laughed and joked, drank and danced our way through left over Gustav! I did notice that my energy level is no where - where it used to be. I had to take a nap almost after anything a little bit exerting. But I was just so darn glad to be doing something that took my mind off of everything. And as for my birthday, If you read 'my story' you would know that on my last birthday I was starting to get really sick and show symptoms. So this year is already starting out much better. I'm traveling and enjoying my friends company alot more than I have ever did before. I really think through everything I went through- alot of my relationships got stronger- while others faded away. I found out who my real friends were- And this blog post is a toast to them.

Half of your battle.. is having a great support system. At least that is what I believe. I don't know what I would have done without the amazing friends and family I have. Now don't get me wrong- Everyone's family isnt perfect. I used to have a HUGE family. Bigger than big. My mom is one of eight children. And I am one of twelve cousins. My mom talks to four of her brothers and Im really only in contact with two cousins. I wish I could tell you why, but I have no idea. But with alot of the families I've met- I've heard similar stories. So, my point is, that sometimes your friends become your backbone. And take the place of your family. And boy, have mine.

I just wanted to say thank you.

Thank you Robby- For sticking by me, helping me, taking care of me - I love you and can't wait to marry you some day (when we can afford it =)

Jacqueline- I never would have thought I would love you and be as close with you as we are today. You came over almost everyday it felt like. (and your family for their support as well) From your dad's haircut- to your mom's sunday sauce and food deliveries while I couldn't cook.

Justoneay- My MAC daddy. And my Monkey! For cutting your hair with me... there are no words. But I love you.

Vanessa- For visiting me with Wasabi food and farting in my living room when I was nausea. You always came over, when you could, and made me laugh. For your oil rub downs, and Ningxia Drinks. Your Veggie burgers, and natural cooking-- I contribute what you're teaching me - to me healing faster. I love you, my dear. Stardust Earthchild!!!

Joanna- For coming over whenever you were on Long Island and sitting on my couch with me doing absolutely nothing but keeping me company when I felt horrible!! For your 'cousins stuff' and our trips to Taco Bell. I love you too.

Todd- You know I love you. I know you're always there even though you're never here lol

Im lucky to have all of you.

<3>

My Ode To Alanis.

I am a huge fan of Alanis Morissette.

HUGE.

I have always caught myself turning to her lyrics for a bit of clarity or refuge. Well.. during baldness I found one that particularly fit. Everything she mentioned in the song I was going through at the time. Financial trouble, relationship strain etc. SO I needed to share.

'That I Would Be Good'
By: Alanis Morissette

That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
That I would be fine even even if I went bankrupt

That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great if I was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing
That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good
Whether with or without you


You can click -PLAY- to hear it.

FMLA FIASCO

Ah. The things I wish I knew when I first got diagnosed. I hear wonderful stories from other patients at different centers about how the social worker at their hospital explained everything to them. Even handled alot of their paperwork with their health insurance companies, human resources department of their job, and claiming Social Security Disability. Well noone told me what to do. I even got in contact with my HR Dept of "_the company whom I will not name_" and thought I had everything covered....... Until I received a phonecall from my benefits manager telling me I was being "let go" in 2 weeks if I could not return to work. That I had exceeded the 6 months of short term disability and needed a clean bill of health in order to return to my job. She told me to call her when I had a decision. Hmmm. Well I wasn't going to be able to return to work being that I had just finished chemotherapy treatments and had a horrible chest infection and I was dehydrated. I was starting radiation the next month. What the hell happened? Im losing my job.. because I have cancer.. WHAT?!

After hanging up with the HR lady I quickly got ahold of all of the paperwork I had signed 6 months prior. I had filed for short-term disability and FMLA (Family Medical Leave of Absence) with my job. I was approved for both. Short term disability stated a 6 month leave and FMLA stated they couldn't exceed 12 weeks.. So let me do the math = 9 months. It has only been 6 months.. What is going on? I started to choke up and feel faint. I called the social worker at the hospital and she told me that both FMLA and Short-term Disability could run concurrently. Great. I'm being let go of my job because chemo took me 9 months instead of 6. Fabulous. As I mentioned in "My Story" in the 'Let's start off' blog.. I was sick all the year before and used up all of my sick time before I was even diagnosed. I had to take this FMLA leave just to go and see the doctor. So it had started right from the beginning. So now- while I was sick from my last chemotherapy treatment - I was dealing with the news of the stop of short term disability money and my health insurance. I was told I could elect a cobra for 435$ a month. Ha. Not going to happen. Feeling faint again. I quickly called my mother and she told me to immediately go to the Social Services Department and apply for Medicaid and foodstamps. Ok check. And then she said to call my doctor and have him figure out when I would be able to return to work So I could know whether or not to apply for Social Security Disability.

With sharing that quick overview into my financial fiasco in the middle of treatments, I want to make sure everyone knows the basics of the FMLA from the US Department of Labor website.

Which can be found here: http://www.dol.gov/esa/regs/compliance/posters/fmlaen.pdf

To most of you - This probably is common sense- I probably sound like an idiot.. But to a 21 year old I had NO CLUE what I was doing. I had alot to deal with and the last thing I thought was possible was to get fired from cancer. I figured short term disability would kick into long term If I wasn't finished with treatment. (Shows you how much I knew then but now I know better) I never elected Long term Disability coverage- and boy did I learn from that one.

I just never want anyone to go through what I am going through now.. financially.

We have enough to worry about.. while KICKING CANCERS ASS!!!

Email me ideas for blogs, your experiences, stories, news anything!

YoungandCancerous@yahoo.com

=) til' next time.

-Megan